Wednesday, February 08, 2017

This One Goes to Eleven

Fuck me. Eleven years since I first wrote on this blog?

I have observed recently that time has been playing tricks with me. Things that were ten years ago feel like they happened in a different lifetime, while things about five years ago feel like they were almost last week.

I suppose in some ways it is entirely accurate to think of some things as a lifetime ago, because... I do feel like a different person now. Complete with a whole new set of priorities, dreams, and new and exciting ways of fucking things up ;)

Even although I am aware of how much I have changed, I find it fascinating to consider how my "core" feels the same. I frustrate myself sometimes, but I'm still ultimately proud of who I am.

I was very aware last year of anniversaries of things. Ten years, in particular, since starting this blog. Since getting married. Since moving out. I liked the idea of writing something, but when I tried, it felt... Forced. The words did not flow.

So many memories in this blog. Good times and bad. As I ponder it all though, it makes me smile.

I'm still glad for the journey and the people I encountered on it, each one enriching my life in some way, as I do hope I added something too to theirs.

Sending love to all the crazy and wonderful people I associate with my memories of this blog. I hope you are well, and I truly hope you are happy :) x

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A Nod to the Past

Three years ago I made the last post to this blog, and I deleted all prior ones.

Five years ago I made the final post before that before that.

Seven years ago I began this blog.

I suppose I really should have done something one year ago to keep that pattern of activity up.  I find myself shaking my head at the timescales involved.  Was it really three years since I deleted it? Can it have been five years since I stopped posting? Is it only seven since I started it?

Amazing. There are moments in life that always make me stop and think. I am frequently astounded by how much changed in how much time.

Anyone who ever knew me should know I am far too anal too have deleted this blog.  I am a hoarder.  It could have been... Useful.

So, I renamed it, changed its status to hidden, and created a new one in its place.

I recently chatted to someone and recalled some experiences I wrote about here.  I shared a lot of myself in these pages.  That I so did was a life-changing experience.  This blog changed my life.  And the thought occurs... It could still change someone else's.

Staring one night at a too-bright screen, searching the Internet for answers to problems barely understood, perhaps someone will come across this small piece of my story, and perhaps my journey will add to theirs.

It's time to restore my story to the world.  After all, it might be useful one day ;)

I wish you all well x

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Don't Blame The Stars

18th January 2006
"Be careful what you wish for," I remember thinking, many years ago.

I loosely recall it as the theme of an Outer Limits episode, and a book written by Isaac Asimov about a bloke who had a small demon that made peoples' wishes come true. In the book, the demon normally succeeded in making the wish come true, but the wisher was usually cursed with the wish rather than blessed.

If I were to make an example up, I'd say something like imagine wishing for all the money in the world. Only to wake up the next day under, well, all the money in the world. For perhaps a few seconds you could think, "Money=Good! Suffocating, collapsed lung=Bad!".

Based on this, I remember that when I made a wish, I was careful to qualify it such that I couldn't think of a bad side.

I remember gazing up at the night sky from my window.

I remember staring up at the stars and wishing to find a girl I loved, who also loved me.

After all, how could that possibly have any possible bad points?

Please, don't blame the stars.

Those words, that post, marked the start of a journey for me.

It was so much, and so many things. I find that I look back now, and I am glad. I am glad to have embarked upon it. Glad that it happened the way that it happened.

It seems strange. To say that I am glad. After so much, so many things. But it is the road I followed. The route that led me here. It is a part of me now. And I am glad.

This blog, it feels like a Ship's Log. A log for a ship that no longer sails. She has had a good life, but finally her time has come. Time for her tale to reach its end.

No more stories. No more journeys.

I have new ships to sail.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Doing a David

Attenborough, that is. Walking around this morning talking into my camera for a bit :)

Apologies for low quality and dodgy sound - I'm limited what I can do from here, but it was fun to have got something online so quick after taking it. Had *such* a fab day today, and also hit over 1000 miles in my hire car - and double-checked there's no mileage limit on it ;)

Monday, September 22, 2008


I had one of those "woah!" moments over the weekend.

I was engaged in a big ol' bout of tidying, organising, and filing. These things often tend to take me a while, as I can often end up getting distracted by whatever it is that I'm trying to tidy/organise/file ;)

I keep a lot of things (read: random old junk) that spark memories. Leaflets collected on holidays, train tickets, pieces of paper with random scribbles, ... Things I keep that I think may later prompt a smile when I rediscover them.

And it's true, many of these things do spark those memories, spark those smiles, as I later come to rediscover them.

But I didn't really specifically think about this until I found something that I couldn't remember the story behind. Certainly, regardless of what that story is or how long its telling would take, it will have a story. But it felt very strange to hold in my hand something I had chosen to keep, yet not to know its context.

This got me thinking about stories. The stories behind all the things around us.

Everything has a story to tell. From the big things everyone knows about - the stars and the sky, the rivers and the hills, the mountains and the trees - to the little things in forgotten places. Some of these things simply pass through our lives, no more than an idle narrative as the page is turned. Others are a part of the story. And there are so many types of stories behind these things. There are the technical stories and sentimental stories. The stories of where things came from, and the stories of what they were. The stories of things seen, and the stories of things cherished.

The tapestry of life is an ever-changing, ever-evolving wonder. I wonder how these things thread through it?

The pound coin down the back of your sofa. How did it get there? How did it come to you? What has it seen?

The flimsy piece of cardboard that was your train ticket for a day. What did it mean to you? What did you do on that day? Where did you buy the ticket and where did it take you? Where did it come from? Was it once a part of a tree in a forest near you? Or did it come from the other side of the world?

The notes you write for yourself. Reminders and things to do. Would you know now what they meant? Did you do them? Did something more exciting come up that you forgot? Or was there so much going on to begin with that you had to write them down?

A hundred million things pass through our lives, and every one has a story to tell.

I like blogs. Blogs capture a fraction of that most personal of stories, the story of ourselves. Why did you start your blog, and where did it take you? Did the very act of telling that story take it to new places?

We are absolutely surrounded by stories. Most sit, tantalisingly out of reach, hovering beyond our awareness.

I wonder where we would go, who we would be, were we to know those stories. How much would they teach us, and how much would we learn?

Everything has a story. Everything has at least a glimmer of true and absolute wonder behind it.

I am glad that we do not immediately know the stories of all these things, or I would not have thought to write about it :)

What fun would it be, without the mystery?

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Minds are like parachutes

Just because you've lost yours doens't mean you can borrow mine.

Hehehehe :) Some of these things do crack me up :)

I mean, with things like:

A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
What's not to love? ;)

On a completely different subject... Last night was a big party night on my salsa calendar :) I always really look forward to and enjoy the big parties. The first one I went to in particular is special to me, because it was where I really realised it wasn't just something I did, but something I felt a part of :)

But they're also a lot harder work than a normal class - at a class, "all" you really have to remember is how to repeat what you've been doing. A lot of people tend to use the main freestyle section between the two sets of classes as a social catch-up, so it's also very easy to get caught up in that and forget to do any dancing ;) (Hey, there's always a lot of gossip ;) )

You see, as a bloke, the really difficult bit is being able to lead the woman. If you don't lead her, you'll just stand there trotting backwards and forwards for a few minutes ;)
The two sides to this are both in knowing how to lead her where you want her to go... and the hard bit... figuring out where you want her to go! :) Because you really can't remember a whole routine from a class very easily, and even if you do... They never last long enough, and you can't just do the same thing again and again for three minutes! ;)

So one of my best dancing nights was when I stayed dancing through several tracks of the freestyle section in a normal class and felt very "in the zone" :) (Being able to drink juuust the right amount helps too ;) )

So, when the big parties come 'round, I always felt semi-positive leading up to it (if also nervous), but then found I never felt I did enough dancing when there.

I was feeling positive about last night because I felt this month that I'd really clicked with my Cuban style. I mean I knew theoretically before that all I had to do was take moves from Casino Rueda (danced as a group) and apply them in a one-on-one basis, but it still wasn't easy.

Until last night ;) Phwaaaaaaar hardly did any On2 (which is what I actually have most lessons in), did a few Merengues and Bachatas... But mostly Cuban style all night :D And I mean pretty much all night :) lol, I really could have kept going after the party came to an end ;) And I danced with so many people! :)

I am so thrilled, I really am :)

I still believe that starting is one of the best decisions I have made in my life :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Push the Button

Ooh! Exciting!

And here I am ironing my shirt.

Ooh there it goes! Into the chamber, now they're removing the 'cork'!

I mean I'm quite pleased for them that, on the whole, it's going so well so far. I mean it's not the sort of thing you can easily test, I imagine!

This is more exciting than I was expecting, I have to say.

I also realise that, in the very unlikely event that the world ended, I have in my heart always tried to do what I believe to be 'the right thing'. I am pleased to have regrets. If I looked back and saw nothing I regretted, I think that would be wrong. I hope I've learnt from them. You know, if the world did end, I think I'd feel at peace.

Whoohoo! It worked!

And now I can get back on with living :)