Friday, August 17, 2007

It's Only Bloody Friday

Thank goodness, I think I need a Friday :)

I was just absolutely exhausted yesterday. Bizarrely, it felt like the first day this week where I didn't feel tired and sleepy... I just felt exhausted.

I got my hair cut at lunch. Was a little slow so didn't get time to have any proper food, which meant that when I got back to work lunch consisted of a packet of crisps and a Mars bar :) When I got home, I just went into "It's time to chill out!" mood, which I really, really needed. I started with a beer and biscuits. Went for a lovely warm shower (fortunately, I was just finishing as the hot water began to run out...). Ordered from Dominos. Sat and watched Spiderman with a glass of wine and chickeny things and potato wedges... I never got around to even opening the pizza box, so at least I know what I can eat tonight :)

Just a couple more hours left, and then it's the weekend...

In fact... Iii can't wait for the weekend to begin... :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Things seeem very bizarre now. As one thing seems to resolve itself, another seems to break. It's like something's trying to maintain balance, but someone forgot to take off a heavy item from one end of the scale.

There are a lot of things all going up and down.

A number of things also seem to be getting booked:
- Tuesday Evening: Mrs M is coming over
- Wednesday unknown: New desk gets delivered (they failed to call last week prior to delivery, so I wasn't in to receive it)
- Wednesday lunchtime: I have a meeting with a solicitor to discuss divorce-related-stuff for the first time.
- Next Tuesday: Funeral.

Friday, August 10, 2007

All Good Things

I've had Nelly in my head today. I have her on loop for a bit now :)

It really is quite strange, though. The various threads of my life seem inexplicably intertwined.

Several weeks ago, new threads appeared and old threads began to come undone. Each thread unrelated to its neighbour. And yet, they all became apparent at once, within days of one-another.

Now, weeks later, each one of those threads seems to have wound its course, its change apparent. And, as each thread appeared at the same time, they all seem to have reached their ends at the same time.

I know that this is hardly the first time a number of things all seemed to have happened at once. But it is strange, you know?

I guess fate really does wield a tangled skein.

Thursday, August 09, 2007


I know a lot of you have offered your thoughts and prayers with regards to my Nan, and I thank you all for them.

Mum phoned me about 10 minutes ago to let me know we've lost her now.

I decided not to crack, "Have you tried looking in a different ward?"

It would have been six weeks tomorrow since she first went in, so this really is a release, both for her, and my Mum in particular.

Mum said she wondered whether to tell my sister yet, as she finishes work at 7 anyway (it was 6:35). I said that I'd have preferred that they told me about Grandad sooner (they waited until I finished work) when he died, but on the other hand, it wasn't much time.
Mum said she wasn't sure about my sister driving home, etc. I said "Well, you can just sort of go into auto and that's not really an issue. Would you like me to phone her?"

"No, no, it's ok, I just wasn't sure about her getting home and so on. I don't mind phoning her. ... Have you got her number?"

"No... Uh, would you like me to phone her?"

"Ok then"

My sister answered the phone, and I was pleasantly surprised to realise I actually recognised her through the worky voice.

I phoned Mrs M to let her know too, as I knew she had been concerned.

And then I thought I'd let you guys know :)

Thank you, take care. I think I'll be heading around the M25 now...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


Whilst my post on Monday was somewhat reflective, and definitely do feel an overall "Gosh, look how far I've come" feeling about these things, I was also feeling a little stressed by a few things.

I "pulled a sicky" yesterday to give myself some space, and was able to use the time constructively to arrive at some worthy conclusions.

There have been a number of things going on my life recently that I decided not to blog about for a small multitude of reasons (I like that word, "multitude", it's a good word :) ).

Some of these things have been going on for months, some for weeks.

Some of them were really great, others really sucked. More often than not, they managed to be both really great AND really suck. Niiice. ;) There were a couple of times I began to blog about these things, but then they actually changed so fast the post would no longer have been relevant. Oh, what fun. :)

I apologise for cryptically teasing y'all with information, but this was something I felt I wanted to say. It is time for me to put all of these things behind me and move on, because all of the great bits have gone, and only the sucky bits are left.

I shall stand up again, and I shall stand taller and firmer.

I find that these lyrics keep drifting through my head:
Knock me down I'll get right back up again
I'll come back stronger than a powered up Pac-Man

It's time to eat some ghosts.

Monday, August 06, 2007

It is interesting to note

Around this time last year was actually one of the most difficult times.

Sleeping was near impossible.

I could barely eat - I rarely nibbled more than a corner of a sandwich for lunch.

It was mostly just... feeling so emotional, constantly. That state where you just feel slightly dazed, your stomach knotted.

I remember making this random post, or even this one about dunking biccies :) From its style, I think you would not really know it, but I remember I felt absolutely terrible at the time. Filled with sadness.

I think I was starting to realise that it was all going to be over and could not be fixed that led me to feeling blue and thinking of random metaphors that seemed to describe how I felt.

Hmm, I guess if I were creative enough, I should have written some poems, then I could have given them to Roses to review! :)

Was feeling a little contemplative and reflective today. And, as I try to finish munching on my little sausage roll, I realise it's time I headed back to work...


PS. No real change with my Nan still. Mum thinks that she is getting weaker. The consultant is surprised that she has held on this long. My sister said it is getting harder for them (particularly my Mum, of course) now.