Wednesday, May 31, 2006

As I suspected...

They didn't really ask much other than about who we are and why we're there. ;)

For all the nosey people out there, here are the "highlights":

  • She ran into a similar thing in her other relationship of any significance
  • We spend a lot of time together, but:

    • We do not often specifically do anything/go anywhere together
    • We do not often spend time apart
    • Err, I thought there was something else related

  • When she thinks about the state of things, she feels guilty
  • She often does not think to do anything about it until I make enough of a fuss
  • Before we moved in together, we used to have a lot of sex
  • Before, during, and after moving in (around that time but not as the direct result of any specific event), she began thinking less and less about sex
  • When we did used to have sex, she enjoyed it.
  • I have probably forgotten anything significant about me. (No, really, I've said everything I can remember, but I can probably remember things other people said more than what I said)
  • Oh! And what happens next... The lady from Relate recommended Psycho Sexual Therapy. (She said sometimes uhh Couple/Relationship Councelling (or something like that) is more appropriate, but didn't think so in this case as the only problems were sexual)

Good night all.

And please, don't have nightmares.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Quiet Weekend

Both here in blogging world, and in real life.

Relate tonight.

That's slightly foreboding.

I imagine they won't really ask much other than about who we are and why we're there, though.

Will try to post an update later.

Friday, May 26, 2006

We Did It

Actually, we agreed to do it, but she did it.

We agreed last night, after me asking "So, what ARE we doing?" for about three nights in a row, that we would make an appointment with Relate.

"Brand name"-wise, they're kind of the market-leaders in that field, in our impression.

She called Relate earlier this evening and made an appointment for us both.

Can't say it's not slightly scary!

I guess it's the admission of "Yes, we have a problem, and no, we haven't managed to solve it ourselves."

Well, hopefully it's progress.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Minor correction

I just noticed... In my last post ("If Only..."), it may not have originally been possible to read the text enclosed in <these bits>.

Now fixed.

If Only...

I brought up the subject of sex in "conversation" earlier.

It went something a little like this...

Me: Sooo, thought any more about sex recently?
Her: Erm... Not really
Me: Well, got any ideas or plans?
Her: Uhm... Not really...
(An uncertain "I don't know" on any subject tends to mean "No")
Me: Well, you're not going to just magically feel horny all of a sudden, are you.
Her: I... don't know...

The conversation pretty much ended there, as she managed to distract herself with something else. As I've said before, she doesn't like thinking about it because she feels bad/guilty. Which means she avoids thinking about it. Which means nothing happens.

And I know I didn't exactly remain neutral, and I was fairly <<oh bugger I've forgotten the word I was about to use. that's too many late nights that is>> aggressive <<not quite right, but close enough>> towards her, but honestly, I just wish that she could start a conversation like this with me once in a while.
"Look, I'm sorry we still haven't had sex, but..." -- at least it would be something.

But almost every time I bring the topic up, she just ends up depressed and we don't get anywhere.


And hey, you never know. Maybe I'll go into the really embaressing details on here one day. Wouldn't that be... fun.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Something I Haven't Had

Something I don't remember having seen in reponse to my blog... An opinion.

I mean I've had vastly more people make comments on my blog now (read: 3... ok, 2 if you don't count me ;) ) than I expected. But I've never seen an opinion.

Granted, an opinion is a dangerous thing, and I'm sure some people have to be very careful talking about this sort of subject NOT to give an opinion.

But here, in my opinion, is the summary of everything:

- I want sex more often than once every few months
- She doesn't
- I kick up a fuss about it

Now, let's face it, I bet most couples out there are in pretty much the same boat as us. But I feel like I'm making more of a fuss about it.

Shouldn't I really just learn to live with it?

A Fate Worse Than Death?

I just realised I spent the last 30minutes watching some terrible three minute TV countdown (the same one - several times over, with one long 20minute 3minutes - don't ask), where people phone up to guess an answer to win some money. I can't believe how many people keep saying the same thing!

Time for bed, methinks ;)

Monday, May 22, 2006

16 Again?

Y'know, I'm not sure why, but it occurred to me earlier that all these random posts about me and my emotions just make me feel like I'm 16 again or something.

Seriously, I need to get back to just plain demanding sex, or talking about specific events. ;)

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Who Am I... Part 2

(Thought the last post was getting long so I would split it into two. I initially continued straight on, but then went for a break in the middle when I realised how tired I was)

Initially as I began this blog, and then as I wrote new entries, it was obvious what was on my mind.

When I felt particularly stressed or frustrated, I ended up coming along here and writing an entry. That meant that I just wanted to come and write what was on my mind. Although often I couldn't, because if I started from there it wouldn't have made any sense, and I had to summarise the story leading up to it.

But still, it's basically just me bitching and moaning.

Now I feel a little less stressed by it all, I'm not necessarily thinking to come write stuff as much. When I write something, I end up with two things happening.
1. The desire to remain anonymous
2. A desire to talk about things I don't talk about elsewhere
3. A desire to stop talking about the same thing all the time, but some how I never manage it!

So here are a few other random points about me:
- Lazy. If I don't want to do something, or I don't like doing it, I'm pretty good at avoiding doing it. Is that really lazy? Probably. Most people don't like doing things they don't like doing, but part of life is getting on with it.
- Creative. I am often hit by bolts of inspiration. Sometimes big ones, sometimes little ones. Like earlier today when my wife complained there was nothing to eat (that she wanted), but I created a meal from a bunch of odds and sods in the freezer. I like being creative :)
- Dreamer. Take Lazy and combine with Creative, and of course you have a dreamer. :) I'm not completely in my own world, but I have a lot of ideas that I don't really ever do anything with. But it is nice to have dreams :)
- Caring. I do stop being lazy when it comes to doing something for someone else. (Depending on what it is, that is subject to me remembering to do it :) I often help people in the field I am skilled in, and I enjoy doing so :) I also try to defend people in arguments if they aren't there. Even if I would normally disagree with them! But I just like trying to put across a different point of view. Of course, sometimes that's just being argumentative, but it's not my intention. I also like to be nice to people I don't know. For example, at the supermarket, if I have to stretch to reach something at the back of the shelf, I'll take down the thing I want, and bring several more to the front of the shelf to make it easier on others.
- Optimist. Well, you need to be really, don't you :) Why bother sitting around thinking the world might end when it might not? Of course, in my "old age" I am getting increasingly pessimistic.
- I'm me. God, I do feel like I harp on a bit in this thing. It's actually difficult to "simply" write about yourself (especially while being unspecific). I did think I'd try to throw in some negative points in this thing, although it is difficult to be negative about yourself. Of course, some of my good points are also my negative points :)

...And I am rather good at rambling on about nothing in particular ;)

So, Just Who The Hell Am I?

Honestly, I'd have thought the in-depth section of this blog which is devoted to information about myself would have been enough to satisy anyone's curiosity.

You know, the bit that says "I'm in my 20s and live in England." What more could you want!? :)

Well, ok, I suppose I could get just an eeny-weeny tad more specific.

I'm in my mid-twenties.

How's that? Oh, ok, fine, fine! I'm in my mid-twenties, my name's John, and I live in the North of England.

And that's true. Except for my name being John and living in the North of England.

I decided (for obvious reasons) to remain fairly anonymous when I started this blog. Of course, if someone who knew me (i.e. the wife) read it, there's likely enough identifiable information sitting in here anyway, so I might as well not worry about prattling on a little more.

I have a technical job for a small company. I love my job - it's something I always knew I wanted to do, and I'm good at it. Over the last few years there is always more work to do, and it is more stressful than it used to be. Whilst I still enjoy my job, it does feel tiresome sometimes to be at work all day and feel stressed, only to come home and continue to feel stressed.

It's strange in some ways, because only a few (several) years ago, everything seemed so perfect. Back then, I felt I had three shining points in my life.

A fantastic girlfriend (my wife)
A perfect job (the same one)
A home

When I began thinking about a blog (some months before I actually started it), I kept thinking of things I was considering saying in it (if I were to start one, which, as you know, I did)

The starting subject I decided to pick was gazing out of my window all those years ago, staring in awe upon the stars.

But I also came up with another possible starting thought:

My triangle has broken, and I can no longer see the stars.

The fact that stars also featured in that thought is only a coincidence. I have no big thing for stars (although I do think that they, and the night, are pretty cool sometimes).
I had been thinking about those three bright points - shining brightly like stars. And there were three of them. Like a triangle. It doesn't take a genius to work out how I came up with that line ;)
At the time, the stress of the rapidly approaching marriage and the work-load in my job all just started to get me down (The house we live in being somewhat related to my wife, of course).

I haven't felt quite so stressed at home these last few weeks. I think that the fear of "Should I be saying no?" was cause for a lot of worry. I'm still worried about things, but it doesn't feel quite as bad now.

Friday, May 19, 2006

"Details", she says, "We want details!"

I suppose they say that "No news is good news"

Of course, "no news" also makes for pretty dull news.

We're in the old "neither of us is really doing anything which is likely to be specifically constructive but you never know she might feel horny" routine for the most part, at the moment.
There're a few attempts by her to try to start thinking horny-thoughts now and again (e.g. reading porn), but in general such attempts do not lead anywhere. I try to just make her happy in general (not that it makes much difference) and try to do anything I can to help turn her on. Which isn't much. Nagging doesn't really do it ;)

Right now, the last time any fun stuff happened between us was on our honeymoon, so I guess that was more than eight weeks ago now.

Oh well.

Not sure what else I have to say that's interesting, really. Maybe I need to watching soaps and making notes ;)

Monday, May 15, 2006

And now, for something completely different...

Who's out there and who are you? :)

That means you, Dianne ;)

Monday, May 08, 2006

...And nothing changes...