The ups were dizzying. They were beautiful and incredible; we soared through the sky together, and when we looked down, we could no longer see the ground.
We encouraged each other to be all we could be, and we grew together and in ourselves.
The downs, too, were dizzying. They were terrifying and scary; they dragged us down with fear, and when we looked up, we could not see the sky.
We both became people that were not ourselves, and it was horrifying.
We love each other, but this is self-destructive.
I shall not mourn the loss of the dizzying downs.
I shall greatly mourn the loss of all the beautiful, beautiful things that we experienced together.
We have to take two steps apart to lose those extremities, and see what we have left as friends.
It is intensely difficult to look at someone you love, to feel the memory of the past highs, the hopes of those future, and to feel that you are sacrificing all of that glorious beauty. But this is not a sacrifice. It is a preservation. It is a preservation of something so beautiful, we could not bear to see it be destroyed.
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Sorry to hear that IM, but sometimes that's (unfortunately) how it goes and there has to be a balance to make it work (or to paraphrase a friend of mine who strangely enough used exactly the same metaphor as you this week to describe her relationship 'one of you needs to be there to clip the wings of other one').
ReplyDeleteAfter such an intense experience, do you think you'll be able to stay friends? Speaking from experience I never have (but that could because I have a tendency to be stubborn, childish and petty).
Glad to have you back
NM x
Sounds like you may have been on not one but two Speed Awareness Courses in Norwich.
ReplyDeleteHope you've learned enough to go slower next time and to keep yourself safe.
It is definitely good to have you back here where you belong, Monk.
Zeb.
NM: Thank you. :) Bizarrely, I picked up a book to read on Thursday (Arthur C. Clarke's Rendezvous with Rama) that I haven't read for, ooh, at least ten years.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was another of those interesting little coincidences that a chapter in that was called Icarus :)
(And I finished reading it yesterday morning. Was fun racing through again :) )
I sincerely hope that we will be able to stay not just friends but good ones. I think that there is a very good chance of being more than just hope :)
I mean hey, I let her watch the Rugby on my TV yesterday, AND I let her buy me beer ;)
Zeb: I belong where my heart tells me I belong. I had a choice between using my PC sometimes, or just doing something small and silly together, or that sort of thing.
I enjoyed having something else to do that made me feel like smiling. :)
And my desk's in a right terrible state at the moment. I need to tidy that up - that's probably keeping me away as much as anything! It's a small miracle I'm able to use the keyboard as it is ;)
With regards to the relationship, there's not much else that I cannot say that hasn't already been said... But wishing you all both the very best from here on.
ReplyDeleteOn a completely different tack - 'Rendezvous with Rama' is an excellent book and the rest of the series is equally brillant. If you're in the mood for similar Sci-Fi I strongly suggest 'The Reality Dysfunction' by Peter F Hamilton if you really want you lose yourself in a book at this crazy time.
I've owned the first and second (well, technically, I think the first was my dad's before he didn't get it back from me many years ago ;) ) for yonks. I've only read 3&4 once I think, as I'd have borrowed them from the library. I asked for some more for Christmas and got 4 but not 3!
ReplyDeleteGot ahold of 3 the other day though, so I can enjoy the whole thing once more :)
Really enjoyed the original. Very easy read, just tells a good story. Love the rest too, but I've had to concentrate a little harder on the 2nd.
I'll look up The Reality Dysfunction, thanks :)
... Actually, I've a feeling you may have mentioned it before. Must be doubly recommended now ;)