Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Me?

I wrote, quite some months ago, about Relationship/Couple Counselling.
I remember reading (I think on Relate's website) that because most couples see therapy as a last resort, they can leave it almost too late, when everything becomes harder to fix.

At the same time, I also wrote:
Recently, a day or two ago, someone suggested to me that if our regular PST appointment still didn't become available this week, that I should go talk to someone myself. At the time, it did seem an almost silly idea. Now I'm not so sure.

I think that my first statement above applies just as much to individual counselling, too. All the signs were there. I had a chilling reminder of this less than a year ago, but again, I failed to act.

I was aware of the terrifying enormity of what I did to Quna from the moment I had done it, and I knew that it was something that I, and only I, could be responsible for.

I contacted my GP the next morning to discuss counselling, and am now on their waiting list. It sounds like the counsellor attached to the surgery has a long list, so I have also contacted one place that I have had suggested by my GP, and one that I found on BACP.

Some of the things I have seen inside me scare me.

My behaviour sometimes, not just to Quna, but to other friends too, has been abysmal, shocking, and downright childish.

None of this is up for debate.

If you, reading this, are someone that I care about and I have ever hurt you, than I am sincerely sorry.

I have a lot to learn, and a lot to unlearn.

3 comments:

  1. Monk,

    I think it's a great idea - but then again I happen to think that EVERYONE would benefit from having some counselling (the right sort, that is) because none of us are as self-aware as we need to be, and we all have issues which affect how we think and behave. Counsellors themselves are supposed to have counselling every so often, in order to make sure that they are functioning in a balanced way, and not letting their issues get the better of them.

    I suggest you ask in advance what counselling model the counsellor uses, and then look it up to see what it is. The model is basically how the counsellor will operate, the methods he/she has learned, and some models work better with some people, and some issues, than others. For example, if the model is psychotherapy, then they will do a lot of looking into the past. If the model is cognitive-behavioural, they will be looking a little at the past, but mostly at the present, helping you to look at the thoughts behind your behaviours, and work out ways of helping you change them (the thoughts). There are other models - any one of them can be looked up on the net and looked at.

    My favourites are cognitive-behavioural, and rational-emotive-behavioural. They concentrate on just enough of the past to be relevant, without going too deep. I'd also suggest you go for an initial one-off session to see if you like the person, and gel with them. It's important to have a good bond right from the start, and if it doesn't happen, I'd suggest finding someone else.

    Hope you find someone suitable really soon, and that the therapy is therapeutic.

    Try not to feel too bad about yourself - we all have stuff, every one of us.

    Good on ya.


    Zeb.

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  2. As Zeb says try not to be so hard on yourself, you've been through loads of emotionally draining upheavals over the last year, so it's not surprising that you have accumlated some 'stuff' along the way to deal with.

    We've all been there and I think it's fair to say we've all lost the plot at some stage! So the people who care about you will recognise this and not hold it against you.

    The great thing is you recognise you have some stuff to sort through and that you need some help to do it before you are ready move forward.

    Hope you are ok and take care
    NM x

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  3. Good for you. It's a really brave thig to admit and act upon.

    As NM said you've had so much happne in the last 18 months, things that need sifted and worked through before you can properly move on and find the happiness you deserve.

    Hope it all goes well. Good luck.

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