It Was a Funny Old Week

It started getting "funny" on the Wednesday. I spent a good hour doing some intensive worrying around lunchtime, before the thing I had worried about then turned into something that left me chuckling all afternoon. Things got stranger there on in...
That evening, I was doing my weekly shop. I was doing my weekly shop that particular evening, because Mrs M and I had arranged a few days earlier that she would be coming over to mine on Thursday evening for a meal.

I was in a pretty cheery mood walking around the supermarket, and I must have spent at least thirty minutes trying to work out exactly what it was that I wanted to cook the following day, and how much effort I wanted to put into it. I eventually decided on a fresh bit of Scottish Salmon, fine runner beans (were they runner beans? I can't remember. Maybe broad beans? Fine broad beans? That doesn't sound right - anyway, something long and thin and beany), sugarsnap peas, and new potatoes, in a white wine sauce. Ok, the sauce was just out of a packet, but I still think I did fairly well ;)

For something sweet afterwards, meringue nests with summer fruits (guess what? they were frozen ;) ) and extra thick double cream.

So, I was pretty pleased. I'd worked out what I wanted to do, and bought all I needed. Wanted to give my place a bit of a tidy, but other than that, everything was well in hand. Oh, also, I bought a red table cloth to throw over my "box table" to swish it up a bit ;)

Later that evening, I was checking my blog stats (I'm not a 100% compulsive stats checker. Sometimes, a whole hour will pass without me checking! ;) ), when something caught my eye. I didn't quite click what it was that caught my eye at first, but after a few more clicks, it didn't so much as hit me, so much as whack me repeatedly around the head until I was concussed.

For you see, my stats revealed that Mrs M had infact been looking at my blog.

This came as quite a surprise, given that I had never actually given Mrs M the information to locate my blog.

You may remember that, when I first told Mrs M about my blog, that I had given her the choice as to whether she wished to read it. At that time, she felt it sensible to not do so. Later, after the decision had been made that I wanted to move out, she asked whether she might be able to read it after all. This, she had said, was so that she might hopefully better understand what I was unhappy about such that she might change. I did not feel that my blog could tell her anything she did not already know, and by then, given what I knew was facing me, I simply did not want her to read it. I wanted my "support" for the road ahead of me, and I did not want to have to worry or think at all about what I wrote in terms of how it may get interpretted.

So, I was pretty surprised, upset, and slightly betrayed that she had somehow found it now and looked at it.

Recently, I had started to get to the point where I felt more relaxed over everything in general. It wasn't constantly looming over me quite so much, and I felt more 'content' in general. But Thursday of course, I spent feeling a little tense, pissed off, angry, annoyed, upset, etc.
A lot of energy left me, and I wasn't sure I could really be bothered to cook all that I had bought anymore. "Perhaps," I thought,

"I'll just throw a pizza and some potato wedges in the oven instead."

The evening came, and Mrs M arrived at 6:30 as we had agreed. I had decided not to bring up the fact that I knew she had looked at my blog. I felt that I would give her every possible opportunity to tell me, and, as it's no easy thing to admit, and there was no point I could fairly drop it into conversation without having potentially 'interrupted' her from telling me.

I did summon up the energy to cook all that I had bought, as I had planned, although of course the whole night I had all of this on my mind. Various things, including mentions of my blog or something related to it came up 'in passing' throughout the night's conversation (some mentioned by me, some by her).

Before long, the whole night had been and gone (Well, I say "whole night" - she left a little after 9), and everything that would be said had been said. Mrs M left and headed home.

That she had looked at my blog did not get a mention.

I was so disappointed. I had hoped she would tell me.

The first thing I did at that point was to phone my sister. I knew that Mrs M was going over to my parents house for the coming weekend, and that she had mentioned that she had spoken to my sister the night before. Had my sister let slip by accident? Had Mrs M asked her? A million possibilities had swirled through my head, but my sister seemed the most likely connection between my blog and Mrs M.
It came to as much of a surprise to my sister as it had done to me. My sister had not talked to her about it at all.

I pondered which course of action to take next:
1. To put up a blog post aimed at Mrs M
2. To ring her.
3. To go visit her now.

By the time I had a ramble about most/all of this at the poor person who happened to have hopped onto Messenger at around this point, I had already pretty much made up my mind to go for option 3, so they were left in suspense as to the outcome of my little situation ;)

I might ask her the next time I speak with her, but I do wonder what must have gone through her mind when she opened her front door and

I was standing there. A part of her must have been so happy, so hopeful, so pleased.

"Oh! What are you doing here?"

I did not beat about the bush.

"Well. I thought you might like to tell me what's going on."

She looked confused.

"I notice that you looked at my blog last night."

You have to laugh, really. The very moment I finished saying that, the phone rang. You couldn't have timed it better if you'd tried.

It was her parents. It took her a couple of minutes to 'get rid' of them.

Well, long story short ("Too late!" I hear, cried from all around), she had actually seen me on my blog before I had even left. She had remembered the name of it, and she had looked at it once before in December (I actually do remember noticing someone that matched her computer/our ISP before, because it's an unusual combination - I must have not clicked how MUCH alike it was).

To be honest, having known about it for that long, I think she's done a bloody good job to have only looked at it on those two occasions.

She just wanted to know if I had any more of an idea as to what I wanted than I had already said, and hoped she might learn something by reading here. I've already tried to be honest with her though, and tell her things I knew she wouldn't like. If she wanted to know more, I said, she should have just asked more.

She loves me. She knows that she wants for us to move into a bigger house together, have children, and spend the rest of her life with me, happily ever after.

I don't know.