On This Day...

This time last year, I made this post:

The question I cannot answer:

Does it feel wrong because I am unable to commit, or am I unable to commit because it feels wrong?

It was my third blog post. Significantly though, it became my first post to receive a comment! Gosh, how EXCITING! :)

Thank you, Dianne :)

All of a sudden, I wasn't just randomly airing my thoughts, I knew I was talking *to* someone. It's too early to tell even now, but I do wonder if that chance online 'encounter' may have spun my life off in a different direction.

As for my wife and I, it is our first anniversary nine days from now.

I'm not sure I have any particular thoughts on that at this time.

As for my original question that I was unable to answer a year ago? Well, I was going to chicken out from answering it now too, but thinking on it, I don't need to.

It did feel wrong, and that was why I felt I did not want to commit (further) to it, not because.

The question I need to answer now is whether I feel there is any hope left that it may ever feel "not wrong".
Looking over the evidence of the past years, I must admit it does not seem likely, but I am not yet at a stage whereby I am able to answer this question yet.

When I last spoke to Mrs M I told her this.

She asked, "And if I said now *I* want it to be over, how would you feel?"

"Surprised," I said. I said didn't really feel anything else.

"No relief? Or disappointment?"

"No, not really. Just surprise."

"Well... there's still hope then," she said.

Hmm. :)