I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who takes the time to read this blog. An even bigger thank you goes out to those who leave comments. An even bigger thank you still goes out to Dianne for being the first person to leave her comments. Her questions I will attempt to answer here.

After all, that's really the point of this thing. "Come, learn about my life! Ask me anything and let me know what you think!" Can't say fairer than that now, can I ;)

Mind you, Dianne has asked for yes/no answers to her questions. Some chance ;)

Can I visualise life without my fiancée?

No... By which I mean I am unable to form a vision of life without my fiancée. I have never lived alone, and I have never lived with anyone else. This gives me little experience to draw upon when I attempt to imagine my life without her. As I said previously, I feel strangely emotionless about the whole affair, so tend to not feel particularly emotional all about it. That does bother me. It sometimes feels like it's like, some decisions, thoughts and feelings are so major, that they just sort of fall off the top of the "emotional scale", leaving me with almost nothing.
Of course, we aren't together all of the time. Sometimes I go away for a couple of days without her, and sometimes she goes without me. On these occasions, I do not tend to feel especially lonely, nor do I especially miss her.
In fact, in some ways, we seem to work better apart. When I am left home alone for a few days, I tend to end up doing some housework etc. I'm not sure why. I don't really think about it when she's here (and it's not because she does it - we're both equally good, or rather equally poor, at the housework), but I do when she isn't. Perhaps it's simply a way of escaping boredom, or perhaps I think "Why should I do it when she could do it" when we're both home. Although I'm not aware that I conciously think that.
Of course, on the other side of the coin, I am naturally tending to think of the negative thoughts as I write this blog. That's almost what it represents, as if there weren't any of those, there wouldn't be this blog.
But I digress... The other day while she was away for a few days (weddings take a lot of organisation), I think I was feeling all lost and confused and wondering what-to-do sort of mood, when she rang.
She was upset, because something had gone wrong with one of the wedding-related details.
My first thought was "She's upset. What can I do to cheer her up? What can I do to fix the thing that went wrong?"
I take some comfort in that. And I take some comfort in the thought that I take comfort in thinking that. (Got that?)
Of course, the following thought was "Why am I thinking that? Do I even really want a wedding?"

...So how's that for a yes or no answer? ;)

The second question... Do I want this relationship to work?

Well, ideally, yes. That's partly why I'm here, trying to talk to the world to help me better work out what I want. After all, if it worked, then, great! I'd be happy, she'd be happy, and the world would be all pink and fluffy. If I genuinely just plain didn't want it to work, then I probably would be packing my bags rather than writing this. Probably.

But.

How long do you spend trying to make something work before you decide it will never work? I haven't felt entirely happy for some time. Yes, I've tried talking to her about it. Yes, I want to try to fix things and make everything all happy and wonderful. But I don't know how.
And the problem is that while I'd clearly like everything to be all happy and wonderful, and I'm clearly willing to go to effort to achieve that, my approach is to try to find a problem and fix it. Hers is to try to ignore any problems and hopefully they'll just sort of clear themselves up.

Now, the last couple of sentences were a little exaggerated to try to illustrate the general theory of things. I am, after all, naturally biased in my own favour. Of course, if I'm so keen to make everything better, why haven't I? Because I don't know what to do. Now, whilst I feel that she tries to ignore problems and they disappear on their own, she's equally at a loss as to how to fix things, so what is she supposed to do? So really, we are probably equal in wanting to make things work but not knowing how.

But we do handle things and think about things differently.

In my opinion, we are both at "fault" for not making this work better. After all, relationships are built on two people, not one.

In her opinion, it's her fault. (She is a bit more of a pessimist than I)

That makes things a bit awkward. You talk to someone about relationship problems and they go "Yeah, sorry about that, all my fault really." There's not much you can really do with an answer like that.

Of course, the third blame argument should blame entirely me, I suppose.

After all, she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me and get a nice semi-detached house and some kids.

Clearly, I'm not so sure anymore. I think I still love her. After all, there are the times (like above with the "what can I do to fix this?" thought) when I do feel I love her, but there are more times I seem not to think about it. We're clearly not as "in love" anymore. How many people are after several years living together though? I don't know. But I always thought I'd feel "in love" with someone when I got married.

I could go on, but it's late and I'm tired. And anyone still reading is probably screaming for me to just stop rambling on! ;)

Thanks for reading.