I noticed the shape of the crescent moon, and then my mysterious likely non-star, and remembered Manda's post to my comments about how Venus would pass just north of the crescent moon tomorrow night.
So, I was just playing with the camcorder (which has a basic digital camera - but a 22x optical zoom) and my camera (and in the process of switching one from my mini tripod to the other) when the phone rang.
I had the lights off, so I didn't know who it was in advance.
"Hi, it's me," said Mrs M.
"Have you got [insert fairly large, certainly not insubstantial amount of money here] I can borrow?"
It seems she's serious about this fixed/mobile home thing.
"Well... Short answer, no." (Given we didn't have that much in savings for me to take to begin with when we split that back in November, that's perhaps being a bit optimistic)
"I thought you might have put more in since then."
"Erm, I think every month since then I've spent more than I've earned."
"How much might I be able to borrow?"
"Erm... I'll get back to you."
It just got complicated.
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Hope it's a clear night tonight - in more ways than one perhaps...
ReplyDeleteZeb.
Ummm....not being funny or anything...but that way lies danger.
ReplyDeleteAs much as anything else if you don't have the money to lend her, and you borrow from an institution on her behalf.
Don't complicate things.
If she is serious about a mobile home, and her new life, she will find a way. The more she finds the way for herself, the more confidence she will gain and the better off she will be in the long term.
For you to accept a financial liability on her behalf will limit your efforts to set up a new life and it's not your responsibility.
As roses said - don't complicate things...from what you've said about mrs m, she needs to find herself and build own future and that involves finding her independence and sorting out the resources to do it
ReplyDeleteMoney brings with it all manner of new complications and headaches and ones which you both could probably do without...I'd steer clear of lending any money at all (irrespectvie of the amount) if you want to keep your sanity
I agree totally with roses and northern monkey - just didn't want to be the first to say it.
ReplyDeleteI am curious as to why she even asks - I don't want to be disrespectful to her, as I know you still care about her - but it just seemed (from not just the fact that she asked, but that she had an expectation that you should have been saving) like she was expecting you to do this for her, as if you owed her.
It concerns me that she might be seeing this as a way to still be connected to you - it might not even be a conscious thing, but it is certainly not what a person would do if they were anticipating the "moving on" to be permanent.
Loaning anything to anyone ever is fraught with difficulty - and if it's someone you care about, someone you have history with, it's potentially even more dangerous. Personally I prefer to either just give, or not give at all, rather than lend.
In owing you something, you'd be owing her something, and the break would not be a clean one - it would be jagged and would delay healing.
For both of you.
You are both adults, and therefore each responsible for yourselves. She is not responsible for you, and you are not responsible for her. In fact, taking responsibility for her would be taking away from her own autonomy and could actually hold her back, prevent her from taking responsibility for herself. And it could keep her hopes alive that one day you two would get back together.
I'd suggest to you that the healthiest thing would a totally clean break, with neither owing the other anything.
Do you and she own the house you both lived in before, or was it rented?
Zeb.
Did you get a pic of Venus and the Crescent Moon? It was really clear down here!!
ReplyDeleteZeb.
Yeah, considering where you guys are in life right now... Bad idea.
ReplyDeleteGood lord, I neglect checking your blog for a few days, and look what I've missed!
I did go out and snap at the moon & Venus a bit. If I decide any are good enough, I may stick a piccy up :)
ReplyDeleteIng: That's ok... I'm sure you've had your hands full (Both at work, and at 'home') ;)