That's only two I have to talk about, but it depends on how you look at it as to what their session "number" is ;)
1 - as it was my first completely solo one
1.5 - as I had half the first one with this therapist prior to this full one
2 - as it was the second with this therapist
3 - third meeting with a psycho-sexual therapist
4 - our fourth meeting with Relate
The second one of these two I mentioned my wife had today.
So that's got the same first four reasons, plus #5, as it'll be our fifth meeting in total.
lol, was just thinking I keep going to refer to her by name... Maybe "Mrs Monkfish" ;)
Hah, look at that. What a lot of ramble without having said ANYTHING ;)
So, my meeting was yesterday, and my wife had one today as there had been a cancellation she could nip into the place of.
I (perhaps obviously) don't really know how my wife got on in hers (you aren't supposed to specifically talk about it, as they're asking about history and stuff in these first meetings, so don't want one person's recollections muddling the other's, etc.)
I'll be back in next Monday (so that'll be a total of 2.5 hours I'll have had alone with her), my wife the following Monday (2 hours), and the Monday after that (phew :) will probably be both of us. 'Course, I guess it depends how much my wife has to say though! :)
I think my initial bits are probably taking a little longer, as I have said about my blog and... everything. Now I've got that bit "out of the way", she ought to be able to concentrate on the questions she actually wants to ask a little easier ;)
I had been thinking about telling my wife about my blog and everything for some time anyway, but the Relate Therapist (I'll call her "RT" for short) said I should work out what I will be happy to share so that she knows what she can bring it up in the meeting(s) that we have together.
To me, it's kind of like this, easiest to hardest:
1. Tell her I have a blog
2. Tell her all my other worries (I actually don't remember what we've talked about in conversations in the last few weeks... if only I had made notes somewhere... oh... well, I can't be bothered to look then ;) But still, explain, make sure she understands.
3.
4. Actually have her READ my blog.
4 seems kind of difficult. The bit I worry about with that is how unnecessarily hurtful some stuff might be. Like, sometimes I just come here to vent, to get it all out and feel a bit better. I wouldn't mind her knowing anyone I know, or anything like that. I'm just not sure reading all everything I write when I'm hurt and stuff sometimes would be constructive.
She'll probably feel better about some stuff for knowing about my blog, and me having the chance to explain it and everyone and everything. I mean, take now, for instance. I'm sitting here, typing away to myself... And I suspect she's wondering what I'm typing, who I'm talking to... how worried she should be?
But, I mean, I started this to have somewhere to talk about my fears of marriage. Well, ok, I did that bit, and now I'm trying to make it work. So, I guess that's why her knowing about it "in theory" doesn't bother me too much - I am trying.
Hmm... Perhaps I should drop a future potential "Hi honey" here? ;)
RT mentioned, as I had previously feared upon occasion that perhaps Relationship Counselling may prove to be more appropriate. I guess I don't mind that too much, except I hope there's not another big delay in getting the ball actually rolling there.
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I remember when i came across my mothers diary as i sorted through her posessions after her death. I had been presented with a choice.
ReplyDeleteTo read or not to read, that is the question ~ lol
I decided not. Mostly because the gain would not have been one freely given had she been alive.
I wonder if Mrs Monkfish will choose to read or not read, given the choice.
If it was my husband and myself, in this situation ~ I'm not entirely certain what my decision would be.
Ah, of course, and there you do raise a very good point, Dianne... To give her the choice.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it was about a year ago that she started a blog - I think it was before I started mine, although I am not sure.
If I remember correctly, she started it to talk about her weight and stuff. But, she asked me not to look for it, because she had posted a picture of her wedding dress to it (which she had bought, but it did not fit her - it was her goal). So, despite having been curious from time-to-time, I never did go looking for it.
(For reference, I think she lost interest in the blog after a short time)
Of course, that was (I imagine) different... I assume that it was about "things". My blog contains some entries about "things", but of course it also covers my deepest most personal thoughts, fears, and feelings.
If I could choose exactly what would happen... I'd probably tell her everything (as I said, I'd been feeling I should do that for a while anyway), invite her into my "community" here, and have her read the half of my blog which is only about "things".
But I don't think there is a reasonable half-way house here... Yes, I'll just have to talk about it with her and see how she feels.
And yes... It will be good to have no secrets again.
I took on the role of clearing my brother's stuff after he passed away, and you can imagine the stuff one would find in a healthy 20-year boy's drawers. Anyway, yes, I found his diary too, and couldn't resist a peek.
ReplyDeleteHe wrote a lot of poetry, which I didn't know he did. Anyway, I threw the diary away after showing my mom and sis his poems...we didn't read the rest of his 'secret' stuff. But I was glad to find out a little more about his sensitive side, something more for us to hold on to.
Blogs, like diaries are very personal. Our other halves should normally be invited into that personal space, but there are some parts of our private universe that should remain so until we are ready to reveal them. Unlike diaries, you can't stash away blogs after you've revealed bits of it to another person.
In other words, M, I guess these are some tough decisions you'd have to make.
I agree with annieseed about "...some parts of our private universe that should remain so until we are ready to reveal them."
ReplyDeleteTo reveal all of our innermost thoughts and feelings to another is also about confidence that we will not then need to censor our entries worried that our significant other will not accept us if we don't, being in a secure enough position themselves to allow us to be ourselves.
And therein lies the codependency within which i used to be embroiled.
Phew, long and complex post there dude. Just about with you (long day at work for me).
ReplyDeleteMmm, tricky decision there as to weather to let Mrs Fish read this or not... Good luck! Follow your gut feeling on that one.
Let me try again, it wouldn't let me post last time, i wasn't sure what i did wrong.
ReplyDeleteHey IM.
ReplyDeleteI think Diane's right, think she should be given the choice whether to read your blog or not, if indeed you even end up telling her about it.
Think for both of you it's best if she makes the decision here whehter to read or not read.
Jen
Thanks all :)
ReplyDeleteJen: Oh I'm sure that at worst I will tell her I have one. I'd been thinking about that for some time anyway.
Hmm, actually, I guess she used to keep diaries and stuff from before I knew her that she didn't really want me to read (IIRC).
Hummm... And technically, if I told her before our "solo" Relate sessions are finished, she couldn't read it anyway! As RT said before we shouldn't talk about it together, as it could cloud the other's recollections.
And my blog contains some info on that history... ;)
What? What do you mean that's cheating? ;)
Dianne: Nah, it's not you. It's those bloody programmers leaving bugs in their software ;) There are a few "issues" to do with leaving comments on "Beta" blogs, or non-Beta blogs from a Beta account. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it doesn't matter, but basically, it's not your fault ;)
lol northern monkey, thanks for your honesty :)
ReplyDeleteI suspect that that may actually be the view my wife would have... Although it would likely depend upon how I told her. If I said "I have a blog, here's the URL, I suggest you don't look at it", I suspect the curiosity would get the better of the cat ;)
However, if I said "I've got a blog, I'd prefer you not to read it, but I'll give you the URL if you want it", then that obviously requires a little more thought to go and read :)
In terms of getting where I want to go... That's a good point. I guess the important part is to have no secrets. I can have no secrets without her reading my blog.
While reading your comment NM, something occurred to me... Several of you ladies with "other halves" have your own blogs, and a selection of blogs that you comment on.
How much attention/interest/etc. do your respective other halves have in your blogs?
PS. Sorry Northern Monkey, just remembered I forgot to add that I started my blog in January this year, with a post that ended with the phrase "don't blame the stars"...
ReplyDeleteAfter all, coming up with a name is one of the hardest parts, isn't it ;)
I agree with what has been said here - give her the choice. Just to add my own two cents here, I don't think two people in a relationship necessarily have to tell each other *everything* - I'm not advocating lying here, just to be clear. More that every person has their own deep thoughts and feelings and sometimes these just don't need to be shared.
ReplyDeleteGod - I am not explaining this well at all and I think some people might get the wrong end of the stick. Argh! I know what I mean, but I'm not communicating this well at all.
Damn.