Flotsam and Jetsam

Had a few thoughts wash up along the shore of my mind:

• Pondered what Dianne said about it also being about not being heard. Yes, that's definitely true. Yes, sometimes I wish she would hear things without my saying them, but it hurts more when I do say them but she does not hear them. I cannot tell you how many times I told her I was unhappy, how many times I told her that I did not have infinite patience, and how many times I told her that things HAD to change, because I could not go on like this forever.
  I can understand her not knowing what do do with that. I can understand not having any idea how to change things. But you know what really hit me recently? When she said, "This is all kind of out of the blue to me. I mean, I thought everything was ok really, I had no idea things were this bad."
  I was somewhat stunned by that.
  "Well... Well what did you think I meant when I told you how unhappy I was? What did you think I meant when I said I couldn't go on like this? When you saw me be unhappy all weekend, and you KNEW why it was."
  "Well... ... I don't know... ... I didn't think you meant you might leave me though."
  "So... What did you think I meant?"
  "...I don't know."
  
• There's a lot of stuff that hurts. Some in general, some around specific events (e.g. what I wrote above, here, here, and other random things that still clearly bother me that I haven't got around to writing). Some of this is (IMO) justified, some of it (IMO) is not. Some of these things I have forgiven, some required forgiveness every day, some old wounds have re-opened (if someone stabs you once, you may forgive them. If someone stabs you 100 times, the 100th time is more difficult and makes you wonder about the previous 99 times), and some perhaps I have simply not forgiven. Some things used to seem so easy to forgive, it didn't even occur to me that they required forgiveness (e.g. if someone steps accidentally on your toes, I wouldn't think specifically to "forgive" them, because it was only an accident and it doesn't matter - but that is forgiving them), and the same things now are a strain to forgive. This is something I'll have to work on.
  
• She bought a car yesterday.
  
• I guess we're just waiting for me now, then. I've been looking at places online and requested some details, not got around to actually ringing yet, but I'll get there. This is all new ground for me.
  
• Her parents have been booked to come over this weekend for some time. We're not ready to tell them yet, so happy faces all round, please...
  

Just a mix of information and thoughts there. This post serves the purpose of allowing me to get my thoughts in order, and for you all to see what runs through my head :)
Hmm, I notice as I go to push the Publish button that it's 12:51. I'm going to have Strokes songs running through my head now ;)