Was a bit of a struggle for me, I guess it was probably a year ago, when we'd hear the neighbours through the wall. Well, not so much hear them so much, it was more of the bouncing against the wall that was always noticable first. That was a whooole hit of different emotions.
Had trouble sleeping at that time. I was always paranoid that they'd start at it any moment, every night. Why should that matter? Well, it was a very odd mix of a reminder of things we didn't have, combined with free porn ;)
When my wife was awake to notice, she hated it. Just a reminder of everything she felt guilty about.
Me, I at least had a mix of "good for them", "lucky bastards", "well, I know they've had more than me" and "wish I was there" (well, not necessarily THERE, but you know what I mean) running through my head.
Most of the time, I didn't know whether to laugh, wank, or cry.
Isn't that nice? ;)
It isnt nice no, its fucking horrible for you.
ReplyDeleteI wanted so bad to comment on two of your posts mainley. This one and your other one about your sex life from your perspective but when i read them i just had a big huge reaction and i was like so dam scared of saying something wrong so like i dint comment at all.
Loads of reasons why i reacted, you and me are funny oposites of each other in a way, me too much bad sex and you not enough good! sounds funny when i say it but sex is still the issue with both of us.
Also you are like the same in the way you use your humer like i do, to cover the stuff that hurts.
Your last line in this post made me cry.
I just wanted to come hug you and tell you it was gonna be ok. That is nothing wrong with you, and that please dont even think to hook up with a gurl because it wont help in the long run.
I used to fix people with sex and to me, it seems like an easy problem to solve but i can hear that it isnt and i dont get that.
You are brave guy to say what you do on here, takes courage to like read when its written.
I understand why you deleted the other one but i wish you hadent also.
:)
I hope i havent said nothign wrong to upset you. if i did then say so but i dint mean to. KK
Hanni,
ReplyDeleteThis is the quick response. I'm fine, you have said nothing wrong, and I am not upset.
Thank you.
I'll respond with more later.
PS. I'm not aware that I have deleted anything
ReplyDeleteHere's the link to the first main one.
I notice it's in the "July" section, but not the "Current Posts" section. I sure have written a lot in July.
Hanni,
ReplyDelete0. (I wrote out a bunch of other points, but then realised I didn't comment on this one, and I can't be bothered to go and re-number them all) Actually, I don't think it is that bad. But I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I can explain why. I might try to blog something about it tomorrow.
1. You can say no wrong thing. First of all, I have probably already thought it myself. Second of all, I promise you have no risk of offending me by saying what you think. I did suspect that you may perhaps have more to say than anyone else, but with no words to say it.
2. Yes, I guess that's kind of true, however I do not want to suggest that the little I have been through compares in any way to what you have been through.
3. Yes, I do sometimes.
4. Sorry. I didn't actually think too emotionally about this one when I wrote it, as it happens. (I had been thinking about it for a few days before I got around to writing it, so when I actually wrote it, I didn't need to really think about it)
5. ...Thank you.
I guess that's kind of how people felt about you last year. It's how I've felt at times reading AnnieSeed's blog.
No, I have not thought that, and I know it would not help. (Although I think I said months ago in my blog that I would be afraid if some girl came on to me - I do not know what would happen)
6. Strange, eh? (Now I am sounding like one of those Canadians)
I guess... I guess that now I am going to worry about upsetting you... When you used to "fix people with sex", it may have been good for them, but it caused you to "break" a little more.
That sounds like no easy problem.
7. I procastinated for a while, but I got there in the end. I think I had forgotten to say some of the other bits now, the bits that aren't specifically embaressing, but they need to be told. Thanks for reminding me :)
It was all difficult to write, and as I said at the time, I knew it would be somewhat... odd to read, and leave people a little lost. Thank you (and everyone else) for having said something.
I suspect that the timing of your response may also suggest someone else behind the scenes deserves some thanks, too ;)
As I said, no, you haven't upset me at all. You've given me some stuff to think about, and reminded me that I should write some more.
I think I also need to turn around and share some things from a different point of view.
Your final sentiments are pretty much the same ones I have when I say something about your past too, by the way.
2) you cant compare things like that?! like how can you compare. shit is shit, dont even go there, being a martyr is over rated. I relate to your stuff i guess.
ReplyDelete5)c i know ecxactly what would happen...haha
6)b dont ever, like EVER worry about upsetting me or you will turn me into a fuckin victim and im not. Im not fragile guy! Why shouldent i cry when i read something about you that is funny, peirsingly honest and makes me wanna hold you because i can hear how mixed it makes you feel, and hurt.
0)Sometimes some things with me seem and sound real bad when i type them out, and they are but there also not as well...example* cant think...ummmm...cant think but like something that makes a person go "oh my god thas awful!" and but you are like "yeah it is but, its also funny too" and good comes out of it. So i kind of undersatnd what you mean guy.
7) 1.3 yeah...haha...like she made a remark about that she haddent seen me comment on your blog recentley and i was like "yeah well" and we carried on talking about something else and then it bugged me so i told her why and she was like " just be yaself Hanni" so...there ya go *big cheese of a grin*
hahaha...i just thought, ok so i wont worry about upsetting you either ok...
ReplyDeleteyeesh! im such a hipocrite LOL
<grin> I like you, Hanni ;)
ReplyDelete