History Continued

After that first weekend together, we continued to see each other whenever possible. Sometimes there would be a week's gap, sometimes two, sometimes three. Those weekends together were fantastic.

We were all couple-y and smiles and giggles, whether we were out and about in town, buying snacks in the supermarket, or in a hotel room together. I didn't drive (or even work) at this point, so her credit card did get a lot of use, as she was often driving over here and getting a hotel room for a night or two.

...And the sex! She was incredible, insatiable, even. It was... indescribable. Like a couple (should be) on their honeymoon, I guess :) Sometimes making plans to go and do something, or to go out for dinner... but often not quite keeping those plans.
I like computers. Actually, I love computers. I've been using them for practically as long as I can remember, and I am naturally good with them. I enjoy using computers, and learning new things, and applying them in new ways. They are my hobby, and they are my job.
Until this point in my life, I had never really found anything else that I shared this passion for. Here, I had found it. Making her happy. Whether it was by doing something silly, or buying her flowers, or cuddling her while she slept, I enjoyed doing it. But one of the things I enjoyed most of all was, shall we say, "pleasuring" her. I thought it was fantastic. There was always something new to learn, and the discovery of a new way to apply that knowledge. And the reaction you got was always far, far better than making a few lines of text appear on the screen ;)

Well, ok, I say "sex", but that was more of a generic term than a specific one for some time. Following on from that first night, in the weeks that followed, things got consecutively "hotter" week-by-week, but they did not go "too" quickly.
For the first however-many-it-was weekends, things continued at a slowish pace ("slowish" is relative - starting with mutual masturbation, ending with everything you can do without actually having sex. Too much detail? Well that's what happens when nobody answered my "how much detail?" question a few weeks ago :-P)

During this time, she had, if you remember, "escaped" from her previous relationship. Here she was, a young (well, "old" to me then, but younger than I am now) girl, all of a sudden footloose and fancy free. With a small collection of interested men.

After all, whilst we got on really well together and knew each other very well (thanks in part to the many, many long nights spent chatting on t' Internet), we had got together initially for the "simple" purpose of having some sexy fun together, with no serious strings attached.
I knew she was zipping around the country, seeing other people, and likely getting up to more with them than she was with me (I'm not blaming her for anything here - the speed things between us moved at was entirely my choice). Yes, I was a bit jealous at times, as you would be, but most of the time I wasn't seriously bothered.
I think she saw me more often than anyone else during that time.

It was on a certain February 14th that things started to change.

I knew she'd been away with someone else that weekend, but I also knew that was purely down to "organisation", and was unrelated to the date (I don't *think* she'd seen him before, or since).

I was quite surprised when late that evening, she showed up at my door all of a sudden. She said she was "just passing" on the way back from Place B. Her place (let's call it Place A) was in the opposite direction to my Place C, so either she'd got lost, or it wasn't an entirely true statement ;)
We had a couple of hours together, before she had to head back home.

It was a few weeks later (probably during an "after" conversation) that she was able to complete a sentence she didn't finish on the 14th.
"Well, it was Valentine's Day... I thought... I should be with the one I... love"

So I'm guessing that it was about then that she stopped seeing the others.

Being a bloke, I didn't have much to say back to her at the time. Actually, being a bloke, I think I actually said I still didn't quite feel the same way. I don't remember how I did feel at that point, at "worst", I liked her a lot. Still being a bloke, I probably said something terrible like, "I do really like you a lot, and I really care about you..."

Even by this point, we still had not had "proper" sex together. Although, as I said earlier, everything but.

However, by now, the reason for this had evolved from the original. Originally, it was "just" a case of taking our/my time. If everything would have happened in one night, I'd probably have had a heart attack or something :) I mean, all that business, it was just a bit scary!
At this point, having been "putting it off" for some time, I'd had plenty of time to let my brain do a whole bunch of thinking. It's good at that. Not thinking, it has trouble with.
But my brain had realised the significance of sex. See, at this point, I was still technically a virgin (some people may argue that, depending on what your definition is - I'm going for the good old fashioned definition of "when a man puts his cough in a woman's ahem" - my apologies if you acquire a silly grin the next time you hear someone say "My, that was a big cough").

But if I go having some of that there sex stuff, then that would make me not a virgin. Hang on a minute, that feels like something significant. Do I want to go ahead and stop being a virgin? That feels like a great big major life-changing decision or something. I mean, ok, I do really like this woman, but I don't love her. Shouldn't I go leaving this sort of thing until I find someone I love to share it with? After all, I have to keep telling my mum that "no, I'm not going to end up marrying this girl" (honestly, my mum was such a nag :)

So now, where are we here? We've got us regularly sleeping together but not having sex. By now for her, this was frustrating. Looking back with the eyes I have now, this does of course now seem somewhat ironic. But as far as she's concerned, she was having a fantastic starter but never managing to get to the main course. On top of that, she's gone and fallen in love with me. So now, not only is it frustrating on its own, but I guess it was also a reminder that I wasn't in love with her.


1:15am. Decision time. Do I keep going now that I've started? Should I save as a draft and continue later? Or should I post what I've written. Oh, the agony of choice. How far have I got? A long way, but not quite far enough. But I think it's time to stop for tonight.

Comments welcome.