In the past, I've felt that if at least the physical stuff were sorted, then I could cope with all the emotional stuff a bit better.
I could keep on picking myself up and putting her problems before my own, content with the knowledge that I am important to her, even if she's not the best at expressing it.
Like a set of scales. If either aspect weren't perfect, you could take the good stuff from one side, and use that to "refuel" yourself to have enough energy to put into the other side.
I hear other blokes I know complain about not "getting enough", shall we say, but I know they're happy. I have presumed that for them, they get enough on the emotional side to keep them happy on the physical side.
I know we're near (I hope) the bottom of a curve on a chart, before hopefully everything starts to head back up again, but I've just started to worry sometimes that there's more wrong than I may care to admit.
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I don't know your wife, so this is all..random babblings really. But she might not be finding it easy to express her feelings in whatever way (say physically) but it doesn't mean she doesn't feel them. I know that I find it difficult to express how I feel when I have feelings for someone, so perhaps there are issues at work that are unrelated to you? Personal to her?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, like I said, perhaps that's all a load of shite. I can only make guesses reallty, but I don't like to read and not comment if I can help it.
Pff, random babblings, I don't know. You wouldn't ever catch me babbling randomly. Not in a hundred million gazillion years. No siree, not me. Nuh-uh. No way. When I think something, I'm straight in there! Zoosh! Under the radar! Out with it like a shot from a gun! Like the last chocolate leaves the box! Like a bat out of hell! Like a cat in the doghouse! Like a poo from an elephant! Like a balloon let go by a small child!
ReplyDeleteWhat was I saying? ;)
Well, what I was trying to say is that I know a lot of what I post is very personal and can understand not knowing what to say. I wouldn't know what to say either :)
I do appreciate the comments :)
I'm partly just talking because it does help to get some of it off my mind (although it may then turn around and bite me), and hopefully it will help me organise my thoughts and see better where I trying to get to.
Emotionally, I do know she loves me, but doesn't necessarily always show it the best way.
Physically, I know she does fancy me, but, indeed, due to issues of her own, can't turn those feelings into "desire".
Don't worry, there is no "wrong" thing to say, and it's certainly not a "load of shite".
And I know in general whenever I write stuff like this it must look like I'm depressed, but at the moment, I'm not too bad in general. I mean it's been like it for years, it's just that now I talk about it somewhere.
Thanks again for your comments :)
On the contrary, you make perfect sense, Jen.
ReplyDeleteNow, don't get me wrong here, I'm still a bloke, and I'm still a complete git sometimes ;) But yeah, I do try to put her first.
When we're both ill for example, it tends to be me who turns into the "mumsy" one ;) (Oh dear, can't believe I'm admitting that! ;)
But, like, the thing is, it's just sort of instinct. I don't really like admitting how unhappy I am sometimes, because I know it will make her unhappy, although I do recognise the need to do so - hence my recent reasons for being honest with her, when I have asked such questions as "How important am I to you?"
There's probably an element of almost impatience at work here on my part. I can't possibly expect things to magically turn around in the blink of an eye.
Strangely enough, we were indeed having much this conversation last night. I could tell something was bothering her when I went to bed (the light was off, and she'd been in bed for at least five minutes, but still wasn't asleep ;).
She said she was worried about everything, and that she didn't know what to do.
Fortunately, I was prepared with all the little things people have said here, and then some.
- It is going to take a lot of work from both of us.
- Things do have to sometimes get a bit worse before they can get a bit better.
- Nothing has really changed recently, it's just that it's all been exposed so it seems worse
Right, anyway, I have a simple job to go do which can hopefully pave the way for actually getting two hours work in afterwards ;)
You're right in thinking things won't change in the blink of an eye, it's always good to remember that, but I sympathise, as I can be really impatient; expecting things to happen miraculously all of a sudden.
ReplyDeleteWhen life, much to my chagrin, is never ever like that.
It's good that you and your wife had that conversation last night, sounds like a positive step has been taken.
And, also, I'm glad to hear you *do* think of yourself sometimes ;)
Not wishing to sound completely sycophantic (no, seriously!), but you come across as a lovely man; caring, considerate and thoughtful.
Your wife is very lucky indeed, as that's practically what the entire female population of the western world are after- a man that really cares about them.
Ok I've embarrassed myself enough now, i think lol.
Jen
lol, well thank you very much, that's quite a compliment.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'm probably not as good as the impression I might give - this blog and my thoughts are, of course by their very nature, biased and one-sided.
I don't often think "God, I've really wound people up today! I need to go post about what a complete and total bastard I've been!" ;)
Oh, and besides, where would the fun in a man for a woman if you didn't need to "tame" them? ;)
LOL! I see your point! :-)
ReplyDeleteI rekon you have been a bastard to her in the beginning guy when you held out on her, i would never let a guy do that to me like ever!
ReplyDeleteBut you knew what was wrong right then and i rekon you are not saying the words because you dont want to like say them.
If you was not there and you both were seperate until this was sorted out, then i rekon you both would quickly find out what the fuck is going on and how to fix it of even if eith of you can be arsed to.
At the moment you are both playing games and dancing around each other.
Yes, I regret how things were at the start. It is probably one of those things I think I would do differently if I could go back and do it again.
ReplyDelete(Of course, given I didn't understand WTF I was playing at at the time, I can't say that for certain)
I don't feel I have many genuine regrets, but that is one.
I don't think games are being played, although there may be a spot of unintentional dancing.
It sounds like you are in a difficult position. You mentioned to me that you were concerned i may end up in a similar position in a few years. I cannot see that happening as within the Brethren women have a close knit community with a life of its own and tend to iron out any difficulties when they talk among themselves.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Brethren husbands expect their wives to be able to be a loving wife in all aspects of the home and relationship unless they are seriously unwell.
There are no exceptions. If a wife is seen as unfit then it is a poor reflection on the husband who would be called in to speak with the elders to advise him of what he must do.
Iona