What's Bothering Me

"How important am I to you?" I asked my wife yesterday.

I already knew the answer, but I had to ask the question.

She looked lost for a second - I had asked this little number out of the blue.

She sat down next to me.

"You're very important to me," she said.

You see, as I told her, whilst I knew what the answer was, the reason I had to ask it is that she doesn't make me FEEL it.
Whether it's food issues, work, or her latest personal "project", there so often feels like there's something else that's more important than me.

She'd been trying to be a little closer and taking more opportunities to be a little kissy and cuddly back over the last week, but over the last day or two, I'd already seen that enthusiasm begin to wane.
And I suddenly realised what it felt like. In some ways, getting just a little bit of attention is worse than none - it reminds you how much you want.
And I've been there, we've been there, so, so many times before over the years. I'm tired of living only in hope, and need more.

Since that conversation yesterday, she's done a quite remarkable (for her ;) job of putting a happy face on and trying to seem happy.

But...

The problem is I'm still worried. Worried that everything has gone on too long, and it won't feel right again.

And...

I'm trying to write this without thinking, but it's still difficult. Hey, I suppose that's a good sign?

And...

I'm worried that there's always been that nagging doubt. The one that lurks at the back of your mind and says "Yes, I do love this woman... But is this what I dreamed of all those years ago? Should it feel more 'right' than this?"

But...

The thing is... The thing is... I know she doesn't have that doubt.