What's In a Name?

I just happened to see it somewhere.

Mrs Inspector Monkfish

It seems a little strange to spot it like that. (Where "like that" was actually her real name)

I don't think I've really felt married at all. I often think in terms of "When I get married... Oh wait, oh yeah."

---

Updated 12/06/07 18:40

Roses
I suppose it just goes to show, you've done the right thing. Though it is sad.

I guess... She sort of felt like my wife (even before we were married), but she also sort of didn't.

I guess that for a long time she felt more like what she was - my partner.

I remember describing to her, years ago, what I felt it should mean to marry someone. To know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. She, at that time, said she didn't really feel the same, and partly just wanted the experience of a wedding. Although I do wonder if that may have been "trying not to scare man into life of commitment" tactic ;)

And I know I never felt like that, which is why it took me so long to ask her to marry me. Because when I did, it wasn't for that reason.

Which is why, I think, I don't "feel" married.

On the plus side, I know that I am not going to make the same mistakes again. I am going to get it right next time.

We each had 20 minutes...

It was some time back in 2006. My sister had just got a new camera.

"It can take a bunch of pictures and then create a movie from them!" she had shared excitedly, "I've been creating silly little movies of everything!"

Mrs M and I had been over there for the weekend.

"Well," I said, "I guess we have a few cameras between us... We could each take some pictures of something and then create a movie from them in Windows Movie Maker."

And so my Mum and Dad paired off with my Dad's camera, Mrs M and my sister with my sister's whizzy new camera, and I used our video camera in "take pictures" mode (Hmm, I guess it was just before they went on holiday, so I had dropped it off for them to borrow), and we went our separate ways for our allocated time of twenty minutes.

Mum and Dad used some fruit.

My sister and Mrs M used some sheep. Not real sheep, you understand :) My parents don't have a whole bunch of sheep lying around ;) (Although my sister would like that ;) )

And here was my entry... :)

Set Random to Maximum

I do go exceedingly random sometimes.

Brought air conditioning unit number two home today. Puff pant pant phew hah! :)

Had a Magnum. White chocolate. Yum :)

I'm not a fan of white chocolate in general, but I do love those white Magnums :)

Phoned Mrs M, had a mostly reasonably chat but picked up some details on stuff which kinda sucks for her. I'll explain later. Felt a bit down as a result of conversation, but decided to hop out to Tesco anyway :) Can't remember why I had a burning urge to go to Tesco, but I just felt I needed to ;) (I think you hit that "I don't need to go shopping, but it might be convenient if..." point)

Glad I did though, was feeling a little down for that, but 'twas perked up going around Tesco :)
Actually, I think I was feeling better simply by the time I got there :) Parked in roughly the same spot I usually do - the far side of the car park. Of course, seeings as it was about 9pm, it was almost empty for many rows before that ;) Still, a li'l extra walkin' can't be bad :)

Hummed, probably poorly+irritatingly ;) as I walked around :) Picked up some sausage rolls and some salad to have for me tea :) (I'm eating them now :) along with some cheese [Cathedral City] and a packet of crisps [McCoys, Salt & Vinegar] )
Saw fresh cream chocolate eclairs on offer. Bought 8, will take them to work tomorrow :)

Checkout girl seemed quite cheery but a little tired. She said she'd been off for a couple of weeks and had just started at 5. I imagine it must make for a long day when you spent the rest of it at uni. Whilst she didn't have a specifically small frame, her bossom seemed quite ample for someone of her size. Pondered whether larger than average breasts growing up led to more popularity or more back ache. You probably have to take the rough with the smooth :)

Pushed trolley back to far side of car park. Went to walk trolley to trolley park/shelter thingy, but noticed it was empty. Looked across at next nearest, also empty. Decided to walk back half-way across the carpark to one that wasn't empty. I mean it seemed silly making someone else have to walk all the way over for one solitary trolley :)
Trolley-collecty person headed towards me as I walked to it. As I approached him, I spun the trolley around such that the handles were towards him and exclaimed, "Here you are, sir! :)"

He appeared bemused ;)

Radio on the way home did not interest me. Random humming continued, followed by attempting to hum badly and generally make tuneless noise, followed by setting random to high gear as I proceeded to talk to myself.

Used a silly word.

"I'll have you know," I said, "that that word is in fact in the dictionary."

"And you may not think that. But I happen to know that, because I was, in fact, the editor for the Oxford English Dictionary at that time, and I happened to be on the committee that accepted that word into the dictionary! Hah! Oh yes. Not that I can remember what that word was, but still, ahahaha!"

(All bollocks, of course, in case you hadn't realised ;) )

I wonder what it's like to be sane ;)

Please, let me keep such wondering strictly in my imagination ;)

Less Lonely Alone

Welp, I'm knackered :)

Woke up around 9ish, but laid in bed until 10ish. Because I could :)

Got dressed, decided to look on youtube for a nice chilled tune that was in my head. Found it, set it off, and wandered into the kitchen for some breakfast. I just fancied some cereal :) Poured it out. Opened the fridge... Ohhh yes, "Buy milk", that's on my list of things to do today ;)

Then came the fun of pouring the cereal from my bowl back into the bag ;)

Meanwhile, I thought "What on Earth has happened to that song? What is that bloody bit they've got going over the top there?" and headed back to my computer to turn the volume down. Bizarrely, even with the volume turned down, the irritatingly loud bit seemed to not get any quieter.

I realised it was my phone ;) (Which was, by now, next to my computer)

I'd set an extra alarm just in case I didn't wake up easily ;)

Had a Pop Tart and a glass of fruit juice instead, and then headed out to town :) LOVELY day :)

Wandered into the barbour's... Was fiiiiilled up with a queue. Wandered around town some more instead :) Bought a T-shirt from Next. Ran back up three storeys to the car park and dropped it off. Bounded back down and headed across town for a 2nd chance at a haircut ;) Less queue, but still in there around 45mins. Read some of Top Gear magazine.

Realised my two hour car park ticket was virtually up and also realised I was hungry. Contemplated what to do... I had been thinking I'd pop into the Tesco in town just for a wander around (they have a lot of non-food stuff, but not so much food stuff) and then up to Asda, as I'd not been there in a while...

Grabbed a sweet chilli chicken wrap from Boots, some pineapple chunks, a bottle of Oasis, and some minty Aero ball things :)

And headed out in the car to go lounge on a big hill while I ate :)

Except I couldn't quite remember actually where the big hill I was thinking of was ;)

So, I'm not entirely sure where it was that I went, but I found a spot at the side of the road next to a footpath and pulled over :)

I decided against going this way ;)


I also didn't fancy plonking myself down on the other side of this gate ;)


And so, I plopped myself down here :)


And so, I sat happily in the shade (I felt it too risky to sit in the sun, having already been walking around in it - I would frizzle and frazzle! eek!), and I ate my lunch and nibbled at my pineapple and my minty chocolate balls (ooh, and I still have some pineapple left! I think I'll hafta go get that out the fridge in a bit :) ).
And when I came to leave, I discovered that I had, in fact, acquired a little friend :)


Following on from my last one, I have been pondering doing a "proper" video blog entry, and briefly considered recording one here. But I couldn't really be bothered ;) And I couldn't see anywhere to have rested the camera that wouldn't have had it looking up my nose ;)

I found when I began to drive home, that I did in fact have no clue where I was, as I ended up returning from a direction opposite to what I was expecting ;)

I had the radio on. I grinned when the song started playing.

I could not help but laugh as I sang along - "And oh my God I can't believe it, I've never been so far from home."

It may not exactly be the best, most exciting day in the history of man, but it sure beats sitting around at home, gazing outside, longing for things to be different.

Because now, they are. :)

(Also: Then spent an hour or two in Asda, came home, began downloading last week's Dr. Who, put shopping away, made a nice ham & pickle sandwich, started writing this, watched last week's Dr. Who, watched this week's Dr. Who, finished writing this :) )

She Makes Me Smile

A smile is a valuable thing. The ability to produce one, be it for either yourself or for another, is a remarkable gift.

And you who is reading this, if I have ever read any of your blog, or you have left a comment here, or I've spoken to you online, or e-mailed you, then you have made me smile :)

I did think about trying to name some of my readers, some of my friends, some of the people I know, who make me smile, and their reasons for having done so, but I realised there were so many I would be afraid to miss someone :)

There are times when it is easy to produce a smile in someone. Ten seconds after they've just been giggling about something is a good one ;)

And there are different types of smiles. Happy smiles, tired smiles, smiles when someone does something silly, smiles because you feel like smiling, smiles because for no real reason you suddenly feel better about something, smiles when all someone does is listen and you feel better... All sorts of smiles.

And sometimes, to produce a smile, people don't even have to do anything. They simply have to be themselves.

Like, if an exciting new bit of computer chippery came out, I'd be like, "Oh wow! It's made on a 65 nanometer process with silicon-on-insulator technology and it's got four cores! And a whole megabyte of on-chip level 2 cache per core! Do you know how many million transistors that is? Millions and millions! How do they fit millions of somethings into a thing that small!?!?"
So, basically, pretty geeky and enthusiastic about something terribly, terribly dull ;) And yet, yawn-inducing though that may be, I guess it is probably one of the very things my wife will miss, as it was very simply me being me, and it would probably have made her smile.

This last year has certainly had its ups and its downs, and I have been so lucky to have my friends, both real and virtual, around to make me smile through both those occasions.

But, y'know, when I think about this everything that's happened in this last year, I have to admit that when I think of people who made me smile, there is one who sticks out above the crowd. She made me smile when I was sad, and she helped me to smile more when I was glad, and she made me smile most simply by being herself. Even when she was being a complete and total pain in the arse ;) Even when? Or especially when? I'm not sure, you best get back to me on that ;)

And today, it's a year since she first commented on my blog. Oh man, was I ever sunk from that point on ;)

Too bad she's hardly been around for six months of that year ;)

Thank you, Hanni, thank you for being yourself and for making me smile :) Even when you're a pain in the arse and leave me banging my head on my desk ;)

Well... Probably thanks for that, I'm not so sure, come to think of it... ;)

I hope you've been kicking some serious butt in your exams, and in life in general :)

:)

There's Progress!

I must be making some serious progress now. Things are really moving :)

Of course, the irony is, that I just lost half this post by accident. Well, I say half, but knowing me it'll probably turn out to be about a tenth ;) But anyway... :)

Saturday I spent thinking about bedroom furniture. Again. I visited the shop on the corner, only to bump into an assistant who said "Well our other shop has loads more like this..." So I hopped up to their other shop... And you know what? I was sure when I'd looked around there a couple of times, they didn't have much... Didn't have much!? Why, they've got bedroom furniture coming out of their ears! :) (Now there's a bizarre image... :) )

They'd also got some of the things (and then some!) from a range I'd spotted online too, which was pretty cool as it meant I could really get a good look at 'em :) Plus it would be nicer to order from a local place :)
I pondered for a bit having one in the corner (surprisingly few places seem to do storage designed to go in the corner), but after lulling it all over for quite some time, I eventually decided against it. Had I seen more of the corner-y ones earlier, I might have been swayed then, but, of course, something else had piqued my interest by now ;)
"I have seen it," I said to the sales lad (who really did seem to know what he was talking about), "I have seen it online, you know..."
"Well," said he, "so long as it's not a stupid price, we could match that."
"Oh right," I said, surprised. (Actually, I think I said "So, not for a tenner then? ;)")

Lulled it over a little for the rest of Saturday, but decided I needed a break so put Lord of the Rings on (Just half the first one - man, those extended editions go on a bit ;) )

Sunday... Measuring... re-measuring... humming... ha'ing... More measuring... Layout out boxes and paper to suit layout of furniture...

Eventually made a decision, to arrive at the shop 4:10pm - they closed, of course, at 4pm ;)

So set off to my parents instead - I wanted to take my Nan my air conditioning unit. Oh man, was it WET out there! M25? Not fun. Got there about 8ish, (Hmm, I must be lifting a lot these days... A 30kg air conditioning unit doesn't feel as heavy as I'd have thought :D ) chatted for a bit, played on my sister's Wii (all four of us) for a bit. Mum is terrible at, well, everything really ;) (Actually, I think she beat my Dad at the boxing one - Hmmmmmmmmm? Pent-up frustration? ;) )

Headed back home again at around midnight. Fortunately, it was pretty quiet out. Fortunately because it was still bloody wet out there :)

Monday... Went out, spoke to a different bloke at furniture place. "Who said we'd match Internet prices!?" "Youngish lad, said he was working at your other store yesterday, said his cousin also worked at the other store."
"That was probably my son then"

Hope I didn't get him into trouble ;)

He didn't seem very happy, but he matched them though! I mean the online place was even doing an extra 10% off this weekend and he matched that too. He didn't seem super-pleased about it, and I was like, "Well, I'd rather get it from a local company than online, so I don't mind paying a bit more potentially..."
"No no, I'll match that."
"I don't suppose that includes delivery does it? We charge £15 for delivery."
"It says delivery is free to the ground floor, but I'm on the first, so I don't know what they'd have done."
"We'll do that for free too then."

lol... crazy ;)

So, I saved a hundred quid, which I might later spend on getting them to assemble it for me now ;) The guy said his son and friend do that of an evening. Bit of extra cash, I guess :)

Oh and then I went to pay and the credit card company then decided to play awkward and it needed authorisation. He had to wait on hold a bunch of times, then they were asking for like the signature digits off the back of the card... Then my mother's maiden name! Blimey, honestly :) So, now the whole shop (a small queue had formed ;) ) knows all my credit card details and my mother's maiden name ;)

Still. I'm happy :)

I also did a good amount of boring old cleaning and stuff over the weekend too. I did have some huge piles formed :) Why, I could barely sit down ;) lol :) )

kk... Think I'm done :)

Logistics

Hmmm. I'm devoting most of my time trying to figure out something here at the moment.

I quite the 'art' of logistics at times, but this is a pain in the arse ;)

I realised when I got up this morning that the double-double idea may not work... not if I want to reach the lightswitch, at any rate ;)

I have turned my bed around this evening to get a feel for that a different way around.

This was something I thought soon after moving in... The room feels biggish... But when you consider that there is no built-in storage, that space quickly disappears.

More news:
- Phonecall from Mrs M yesterday while I was at work, "Oh... by the way... I just thought, you don't want the house do you?" I said "no" - I'm spending enough time settling here, I'd probably find it wouldn't fit there ;)
I quite like it here. I'll try to figure out whether I can afford a place of my own at some point, but until then, I'm happy enough here :) (Although it would be great if I had the opportunity to buy this place ;) - well, if I could afford it, at any rate ;) )
- Following on from my dithering last year, my air conditioning unit arrived today. £150 from ebuyer.com. It seems to... condition... air... erm... :) It's supposed to heat as well (Which makes it not a waste of space in the winter), but it doesn't seem to want to do that so I may need to drop them a note or something. Still, hopefully that'll be good when/if it gets tooooo hot :)

Can you tell what it is yet?

Working things out...

I give up looking for any furniture to match my bed - I'll go for something that contrasts instead.

I had been thinking that I'd go for a triple wardrobe, but I may go for two smaller doubles instead. Not sure though... Any opinions there? (I don't need that much space myself; I'm catering for the future :-P )

I'm thinking: Two bedside cabinets, one large chest of drawers and [some wardrobe space].

Picture on the left is with my bed in its current position, which I strongly suspected wasn't the optimal layout for the room, and wouldn't be suitable for the furniture I was thinking (if you actually want to be able to get to the heater or the window ;) ) - plotting it out here seems to confirm that ;)
I had assumed I'd need to turn the bed around - but it's interesting that looking at it, I'll probably want my head on the left side of the room, whilst I'd presumed the right side. Hmmm :)

Still, it's progress :)

Although, by the way, Photoshop does my bloody nut in :) I mean good grief, do the people at Adobe actually sit around TRYING to work out how to make things awkward and different to everything else? I found like three ways of selecting objects, but could I just say "Select all these things, now copy and paste them over there" ? Could I bollocks.

You know, I even bought a mouse for my old Spectrum (in all its 7 available colours glory ;) ) to use paint packages, so I've been using them for a while. I've just never found a nice, pleasant, easy-to-use, doesn't make me want to strangle myself with a sock, package on Windows though.

Adobe seem to be getting slightly better at designing software, but they've still got a whole lot to learn about making it actually friendly to use. I hate PDFs mostly because of Adobe Reader (which, again, always just feels... kludgey... to use... And everything Adobe is so SLOW! A sloth on tranquilisers that's been tied to a glue-covered tree works faster! Erm... sorry... ranty rant rant... am I still in a pair of brackets? :) )

Anyway. Bedroom. Wardrobes. Double doubles or single triple? Photoshop. Pain. In. The. Arse.

Oh... The doubles seem a little less deep, but do come pre-assembled, unlike the triple I was looking at which is flat-packed.

Her Point of No Return

Mrs M says (19:29):
just thought i'd let you know that as of 21st June i'll be unemployed

Ok, in fairness, that's not an exact quote, as I don't actually have her labelled as "Mrs M" on Messenger, but still, other than that ;)

It's certainly all... interesting ;)
Now, her parents live around 2.5 hours drive away from here.  They moved back "home" a few years ago, but she has lived here since she was a wee nipper at the age of two.

Allow me to try to summarise the plans we've been through here. Starting with:

Plan 1 (One week ago)

• Having looked at jobs both in this area and around her parents area, she has decided that she cannot see a job she prefers to her current one (IT Manager), despite the fact that she doesn't really like it (Although I think technically, this job may theoretically roughly match her ideal description of a job from a few years ago).
  
• She considered moving to get out of "our" house but eventually decided against it.
• She has just redecorated the bathroom.
• Last week (literally!) she had double-glazing installed.
• She is/was planning a new kitchen.
• She has half-stripped the wallpaper in the living room.
• She has just switched to a better deal on broadband supplier (the new modem arrived *today*)

Plan 2 (Friday / Saturday)

• Buy a 'mobile' home in a holiday resort near her parents  (Obviously substantially cheaper than buying a 'real' house).  She will do this immediately, by using her savings and borrowing money from her parents and [theoretically as per The Plan] me.
  
• Sell the house here (I don't know why this couldn't be done first - I assume that with the holiday season coming, she was conerned a 'mobile' home there would not be available), and repay people.
• Quit her job here
• Overall she described this as taking a "gap year".  She'd get a job in Tesco or similar to tide her over.

Plan 3 (Today)

• Quit job (Done)
  
• Sell house (The estate agent is booked to come 'round on Thursday) (When I spoke to her this evening, she was trying to get more wallpaper stripped)
• Initially move in with her parents for a bit
• Look to rent somewhere
• She is still calling it a "gap year" and I assume is still thinking of the Tesco-level of job.

Right then, phew :)

I can actually understand her "gap year" idea, although I'm a bit surprised by the complete 180 that went from literally getting double-glazing installed last week to selling the house this week.

I loosely pondered myself late last year the idea of taking a leave of absence from my current job to do something simpler - although my reasoning was to give myself more time (I have 101 projects I'd love to do one day), and potentially to find something more "people-facing".  I figured I can think about it when the pressure's off at work... ;) Hmmm ;)
(Which, incidentally, I am still overall holding my concentration at recently.  Yay! :) )

So... That there is 'er plan then :)

Questions or Answers? (Updated)

Why?

I honestly have no idea. It seems to be an impluse that actually carried itself through from start to finish.



I could give 100 explanations and 100 excuses... But for now, I think I'll just leave before I enter a state of shock ;)

Expect this to disappear within a few days ;)

So, I basically said, "I'm not against the idea, but I think you should look at other options first."

We do own the house - it is in her name, but will be split on account of us being married. In November-time when we split the savings, I took around 2/3s and she took around 1/3. I also took the car. I felt that, as the one moving out, I would likely be the one in more 'need' for the cash, whilst she could be sitting on a greater percentage of the money tied up in the house.

So, partly for that, I certainly do think that her request is reasonable. I also don't want her to think that "Here he is, only been moved out six months, and already he doesn't trust me", or something. And I do mean what I said though - if she looks at other options and doesn't seem them as viable for whatever reason, I'll reconsider her request.

I spent a lot of time and effort trying to help her dreams come true over the years. If I can still help now, with little or no real cost to myself, I have no reason not to help.

I'll try to explain what I understand of her plan, and why I decided to say "Ah fuck it!" and post the video tomorrow or something :)

Thank you all for your comments :D

PS. I think if there's a next time, I need to do my hair differently or something. I mean, damn, I thought it looked like it was receding in the video! ;)

Hrmmmm

It's a difficult one alright.

It certainly would not occur to me to loan her more money than I could afford to - she just didn't know how much I had.
She is awaiting on my response on what is still a lot of money, but an amount that I could afford to lend her if I chose to.

I have had two songs flipping through my head today.

1: Maximo Park - Apply Some Pressure.
For probably fairly obvious reasons ;)


2: Final Fantasy X - Hymn of the Fayth.
This was a good Playstation 2 game. Not sure why I have this tune in my head :)

I was playing with my tripod...

I noticed the shape of the crescent moon, and then my mysterious likely non-star, and remembered Manda's post to my comments about how Venus would pass just north of the crescent moon tomorrow night.
So, I was just playing with the camcorder (which has a basic digital camera - but a 22x optical zoom) and my camera (and in the process of switching one from my mini tripod to the other) when the phone rang.

I had the lights off, so I didn't know who it was in advance.

"Hi, it's me," said Mrs M.

"Have you got [insert fairly large, certainly not insubstantial amount of money here] I can borrow?"

It seems she's serious about this fixed/mobile home thing.

"Well... Short answer, no." (Given we didn't have that much in savings for me to take to begin with when we split that back in November, that's perhaps being a bit optimistic)

"I thought you might have put more in since then."

"Erm, I think every month since then I've spent more than I've earned."

"How much might I be able to borrow?"

"Erm... I'll get back to you."


It just got complicated.

I've Been Rushed Off My Feet...

Hah! My Mum used to say that after her once-in-a-month four-hour stint at work ;)

Strangely enough, when my sister began working at the same place, she said, "Well, it's not really all that busy..." :)

Yesterday morning: Beavering away on the specification and development of an interface between an invoicing program and the main system.
Yesterday, 1pm: Given someone's CV to review. My boss has ended up in another meeting at the same time as he had scheduled someone to come in for an interview, so first thing Friday (today), I'll need to do the interview instead.
Yesterday, 2pm, before I had read much of the CV or finished eating my lunch: I end up on an urgent "Customer Down" sort of problem. My boss needs to leave at 4pm today, so he can't go to the client's to help (or at least to show face). The person who was previously dealing with the problem was off this afternoon to take his partner to go with his partner to a neurological specialist (fair enough).
Yesterday, 3pm: We decide it makes sense for me to go to the client's. Oh, by the way, the IT Manager at the client? My wife.
Yesterday, 4pm-ish: I have arrived on-site. The "detailed instructions" that Hewlett-Packard have provided us do not help. I e-mail back and ask for the advanced "Level 2 Engineer" to call me back urgently on my mobile.
Yesterday, 4:30-7pm: Much waiting for the Indian HP engineers. Whilst I do believe that at least one of them dedicated his time to us, it's still frustrating just waiting. Some of the waiting was on the phone listening to silence, some on hold, and some waiting for a call back.
Yesterday, 7pm: HP engineer goes home, recommending reinstalling the server operating system from the recovery CD, and the data from the last tape backup (which is a day out of date and it would be preferable to recover the more recent data) (In fairness, it would have been around 10pm in India).
The HP engineer told me twice that this situation "cannot happen". Thanks for that. One small, possibly teeny tiny point... It has happened ;)
Yesterday, 8pm: I have successfully regained access to all 650gigabytes of data.
Yesterday, 8:50pm: Confirmed that everything is working correctly and that all data is available. Initiate backup to tape to ensure the last day of data is also backed up immediately (Despite the fact this should happen overnight anyway, I wanted to SEE it start ASAP).
Yesterday, 9pm: Wife and I leave. I have invited her back to mine to grab some food. She had been planning on having today off to go up to her parents, but due to these problems hasn't been allowed Friday off, "just in case".
Wife tells me she is thinking of moving away from here, buying a 'mobile' (albeit fixed) home, and taking a "gap year". I say I understand - whilst I'm happy in my job and with my location, I have at times over the last few months contemplated the idea of taking an extended leave of absence and doing a simple, every-day sort of job.
Yesterday, 10:20pm: Wife heads home.
Yesterday, 11:45pm: I'm knackered, but decide to go for a shower now, rather than have to worry about it in the morning.
Today, 00:10am: I look at the clock on my phone from upside down and think, "Oh bugger, is it 1am?... No wait, it's 12:10am. Ooh, that was pretty fast for me!"
Today, 00:40am: I head to bed.
Today, 08:20am: I have made it out of bed and am dressed. It took me a little while to figure out what shirt to wear - none of the ones I had really wanted were clean (I'd been planning on doing a wash last night, but it was a bit late by the time I got in). I wanted to look smart for the interview and as we'd have a prospect in.
Today, 08:20am: I decide to have some *gasp* breakfast (a Pop Tart and a glass of milk), and bump into Roses on Messenger (I am mildly surprised that, following her Britney moment she is alive at this time of morning).
Today, 09:02: Arrive at work. Talk to people regarding events of yesterday. Check status of the server (it's good). Write up notes.
Today, 09:40am: Pick up CV to look at. Hear, "Oh look, that must be the person you're interviewing looking for a space in the carpark, Monkfish".
Today, 09:50am: Have glanced through his CV and am talking to him in my boss' office (My bosses are in the Conference Room with a prospect). Confirm that he doesn't really have any actual programming experience, as we suspected from his CV (fair enough, it's a trainee position, but we'd like evidence of *something*)
I tell him he doesn't really have enough experience of doing any actual programming (e.g. roughly none). Advise that, if it is something he wants to do (he sounds like he means it, but I see no evidence of an interest beyond what he has happened to do at college), he should stay on at college longer and move on to the next course (he is coming to the end of a BTEC First Diploma thingy), or spend a little of his own time learning how to program. Mention that VB.NET Express Edition, for example, is available for free from Microsoft, and there will be plenty of free online tutorials and guides. Mention that evidence of ability to program would be good (e.g. I brought a disk filled with sample programs that I had written alone with me to my interview when I came here). Suggest he is welcome to re-submit his CV to us in, say, a year's time if he wishes to do so.
Today, 10:20am: Resume writing up notes from yesterday. Assist someone regarding development for another client. A meeting is deemed necessary. Attend meeting, attempt to mediate between two people who speak a slightly different language ;)
Make tea (Prospect and one boss do not want any, but the decorator does. Ponder whether we have enough mugs left for the rest of day, ponder whether we have enough milk for the rest of the day - put on dish washer early. Discover prospect is just leaving, so dishwasher probably didn't need to be on - one boss is popping out anyway to get more paint for decorator - warn him of milk situation)
Today, 12:30pm: Can't really be bothered to get back to this interface development. Investigate (and fix) a relatively minor bug, at the same time as chatting to someone on Messenger to find out why he's "SO PISSED OFF" (it started when he only got 30% in a Maths exam...)
Today, 1pm: Piss off to pub. Have sausage, mash and beans (£7.45! £7.45!!! but only other realistic option is a "a burger" at £6.50). It's my round too (six beers), so pay on credit card.
Today, 1:40pm: Have another half as it seems a little slow today.
Today, 2:20pm: Back at office. Not feeling worky really.
Today, 3:00pmish: Eventually decide to write a blog post... ;)
Today, 16:09pm: I write this line! :)

Right. Back on with some development :)

The Dark Room

The "paperwork" aspects hadn't really concerned me too much - the actual getting of a divorce or something.

It's more just the knowledge that mentally, emotionally, that I don't "feel" married that was most significant to me.

But, I had been thinking recently that perhaps I should indeed consider these "paperwork" issues more, to ensure at least that Mrs M was aware that yes, things really definitely are over.

Speaking to her about it recently, she said she acknowledges that they are.

I think of it as having been in a dark room holding a torch. You can shine the torch around, but you never really take in the whole room in one go, you're just sort of aware of the shape of the room and have a vague knowledge of the things in it.
Then, when the lights come on, you all of a sudden see the whole room, and everything in it.

You can turn the lights off again, but you still know what the room looked like with the lights on. You can't forget what it looked like in the light.

That's kind of how it feels. I have that... awareness... of all the things I saw before.

She has now completed her run of therapy. She said she feels much more positive in herself in general, and will be cutting back on her anti-depressants.
I think she felt that had she been through this years ago, things would be different now.

I think... sort of yes, and sort of no.

Would things be here? Perhaps not. But would I still be in a similar dark room with similar objects?

I think so.

I think I'd still have that awareness of what so much looked like... But that I might not put it all together to see it all in the light. But I still just think it would feel... Like something was missing.

I've been thinking about it a bit recently. "Opposites attract" and a requirement of similar interests too. I think it's not so much shared interests, or even attitudes... But something about who people are and how they view the world.

I am pleased, really, that she is able to see herself in a different light now.

But I think there's too much else that we would look at differently.

> north
You are in a dark room.

> north
You cannot go that way.
You trip and break your neck!

You are in Limbo...

Wii Mii

This is my "Wii Mii" :


In case you didn't guess, on t' Nintendo Wii you can create an avatar to represent yourself. This avatar is known as a "Wii Mii", so, there you go :)

Just to clear up any confusion, that's me on the left ;) The other one is my sister that she created when she was over for a couple of days last week.

Whilst creating her Mii, she did encounter one brief moment of terrifying panic as she suddenly exclaimed "ARGH! IT LOOKS LIKE MUM!"

When I created mine, I did try to create one that I felt looked a bit like me. Interesting, then, that when Mrs M saw it the week before my sister was over, she said, "He looks like you, but the eyebrows are too bushy."

However, as soon as my sister saw it, she said, "Hey, is that you? He's got your eyebrows!"

Funny how it goes ;)

And Up, And Down

After I'd finished writing last night's post, hung the washing out, brushed me teesh, got nekkid, etc. it was gone 1:30am by the time I got to bed. I think it was around 2am by the time I really started trying to get to sleep.

So I was pretty surprised that I woke up fairly well this morning and actually felt in a great mood, and even made it to work a little early :)

This mood continued throughout the morning and everything just seemed great :)

Until I read an e-mail from a client. E-mails were getting CC'd to someone in their office and they shouldn't have been. As I'd been delivered a few li'l updates to the client yesterday, I'd also delivered some other changes that had been made (not by me).
It appeared to be a silly little problem... Someone had probably just put in a hard-coded e-mail address to use to test with, and forgotten to take it out, or something.

Oh I wish it was that ;)

No, it turned out, once a CC address was used, all the subsequent e-mails that went out were CC'd to the same address.

Brown. Trousers. Time.

Can you imagine that in a business situation where you're sending around confidential information having a whole bunch of e-mails get CC'd to someone in a different company?

On the scale of embarassingly huge cockups, this sort of thing is pretty major. Honestly, I'd rather deliver an enhancement to find the thing just plain didn't run (which is very embarassing) than something like this.

"Fortunately", due to the way the program was set up, this "only" applied to e-mails that went out over the next 15 minutes or so.

Speaking of 15 minutes, that was roughly how long it took me to read the original report, find the problem and deliver a fix. It took about a bit more than another hour after that though for me to deliver a list of all the e-mails that had incorrectly gone out when they should not have done (In total, only eight e-mails had been sent that shouldn't have been - but it would only take one to potentially start Who Knows What Sort Of Crisis).

As I was on the phone to our client who was reading my e-mail explanation at the time, "Are you serious?" he asked. "Oh shit," he said.

I am glad that I work for a company where this sort of problem very rarely occurs, and I am glad that when it does happen, the entire company takes it very seriously.

I don't understand how this sort of thing seems to happen "all the time" with some IT companies. More than that, I don't understand how it is that they don't actually appear to care that it does.

Oh well. At least it got caught early on and with a little luck it won't cause any seriously sticky shit to go hitting the fan :)

Feeling Nosey?

I hope you are. Because if you're not, I'm just being incredibly random.

Come to think of it, I'm being incredibly random anyway ;)

So, here's some random things for you :) Just the "every day" sort of nosey rather than the "juicy gossip" sort of nosey, I'm afraid, but still, potentially interesting none-the-less :)



Now, the first (left) receipt is from the 2nd December 2006 at 17:45. Why is that interesting? Well, that was my very first shop following renting this place! :) So, there's all sorts of random stuff in there :) I decided I wanted to keep this receipt because... erm, because I'm weird ;)
The second receipt is just my receipt from today. LOL, which just made me laugh as I read "KIDS 600G PACK" - WTF!?!? :) Ok, seriously, I have no idea what that is :) I don't remember buying a pack of kids, let alone 600g of kids :) I mean, what are they? The Borrowers? :) [Wanders afk at this point to look around his kitchen to figure out what on Earth it is]
Well, ok, I have genuinely no idea what that is. I've just checked my cupboards, my bag ready to take on to work, the fridge, and the freezer, and I've no idea what a "KIDS 600G PACK" is. Hmmmm :)
It's in with my cool stuff, but I can't think what it would be. (As I unload stuff from the trolley, I try to arrange it onto the conveyor belt by frozen stuff, cool stuff, and the rest - that way you keep the cold things cold)
It was just gone 8pm by the time I left work, so I only fancied a quick shop. I also didn't need to buy too much. One thing I did think was interesting though was that here I am, almost six months on, still buying random homey things from the supermarket (More tea towels [I have several, but I was disappointed with some given that they just push the water around and leave everything fluffy], some coasters - to go on my new coffee table! They're quite nice coasters - black, granite :) )
The Ginster's pastys I shall probably take to work and sell for £1 each ;)
The lamb thingy was a ready meal. When I buy them (uh, I say that like it's not often, but I guess I have 5 microwavable "meals" [I use the term loosely] on this receipt - but the Lasagnes and the Rustler's Pork Ribs were both on BOGOFF, and they'll get eaten at SOME point :) )... when I buy them, I try to keep the cost down - £2.50 is extravagent for me ;) But, as it was late, I wanted something nice and something easy to just sort out when I got home :)

Oh those computers for schools vouchers... Last week when I was in Tesco, the checkout lady asked, "Are you collecting computers for schools vouchers?"
"Yes," I said, "Well, no, not really, but I'll probably find someone who is."
"Well," she said, "I can keep these and pass them on to someone who is."
"Ok then"

I figured that probably meant that she went home with the stack at the end of the day ;) However, as I walked away, I heard her asking the next lady to arrive at the checkout, "Do you collect computers for schools vouchers?"
"Yes..."
"Ah, here you go then" (handed over the couple I didn't just take)

I was still hanging around at this point (as once I'm done at the checkout, I get out of the way as soon as possible to let someone else get on with their checking out, which means I then faff around for a moment putting receipts and credit cards back in my wallet [on the end of the isle, NOT in the way of people walking past :-P]), so I then handed the lady behind me the (relatively speaking) huge pile I had amassed over the last few weeks but had no home for ;)

Right, that's Ramble Part One done with ;) Now on to... Ramble Part Two ;)

My living room is in a complete mess at the moment. I assembled my coffee table yesterday, and another media cabinet the day before. So, I have the packaging for that, and I'm rearranging where things are, and getting things out of boxes to fill my cabinets up.
Here are the piles I assembled this evening (i.e. the ones I should probably be disassembling, but appear to have managed to accidentally become distracted ;) ), for your noseyness/interest/disinterest/amusement...


Anything interesting there? Probably not ;)
From left to right:
Pile 1: Some random bits I shall give back to Mrs M that she probably doesn't care about anyway.
Pile 2: Most of the books that I currently have with me. I haven't read the purple one yet ("Use of Weapons") which someone at work lent me. Most of the others I have probably read several times over, but not, I must admit, in the last eight years or so, where my reading of actual books appears to extend to perhaps reading an instruction manual every few months ;)
Pile 3: "Big box" PC games (and the little one in front - Some CDs from inside the boxes)
Pile 4: PC games and stuff (my free copies of Vista and Office perching on top - not installed yet - I'm thinking I'll buy a new hard drive first)
Pile 5: PC games (CD cases)
Pile 6: Playstation games
Pile 6.5: Oh, some random DVDs I got for free. I don't read the Sun (or, indeed, any newspaper), but it was from some thing related to that that Play.com and Sun were giving away DVDs, so I applied for them. They just didn't happen to fit in any other pile there ;)
Pile 7: Playstation 2 games
Pile 8: My music "collection" ;) (What? What!? Four is a collection! ;) ) Ok, so, I just wasn't all that much into music. I have a lot of MP3s these days though :)
Back right: Media cabinet, just assembled Monday night. This one, double the size of my previous one, also came from Homebase. This one, which, as I say, was double the size, was on the shelf next to the single size one. This one cost roughly half the price. What's up with that!? Crazy. £25 for the double, £40 for the single.

Once I've tidied up and got some things filed, I shall take an updated shot of my living room :)

Any questions? ;)

(Note: "What have you been smoking?" / "What are you drinking because I'd quite like some" questions shall be ignored. Well. Ok, I'll answer them in advance. Smoking: Nothing. Drinking: My last drink consisted of a a mixture of fruit juice, squash, lemonade and water ;) )

'Eee, it's been a while since I had a good proper random ramble, hasn't it ;)

PS. Oh, I remembered something else that I felt it vitally important to add... I think most of this crap with the added Omega 7 bollocks isn't worth the money. For the sake of a few pence on me loaf of Kingsmill though, I find that it seems to last longer than average :) So, if I don't have to throw it away so soon, it's all good :)

Packed Afternoon

Had the afternoon off today. I'd been hoping for a rather lovely warm day, lunch outside at the pub, then piss off for the rest of the afternoon... But I decided the weather wasn't lovely enough, so I just pissed off instead ;)

Was off to a local furniture place that I didn't catch open last Saturday. Biiiig factory and showroom they have. Although not a whole lot on show, and not a whole lot of factory outlet stuff. Which is what I was really looking at as it was a bit pricey ;)

Anyway, I'd also Googled for other furniturey places in the area beforehand and found another one another 15mins on (roughly 30-40mins drive from here). Stuck the rough location into GPS but had trouble spotting it.

Did find a retail park though, so I ended up buying a coat from TK Max (£70, alledgedly RRP £200) which I can PERHAPS wear sometimes instead of my almost inseparable 10year old leather jacket :)
Had a look in Next too, and bought a belt, a casual shirt, and a pair of shoes there :) Brown leather casual shoes, but I haven't had a pair like that before. And I buy shoes only slightly more often than I buy coats, so, that's something ;)

Back on the road, and I found the furniture place.

I've not found ANYWHERE that does furniture that matches my bed! Humph.

But, I did order a coffee table that I can pick up on Tuesday! :) (I'm off Tuesday too :) )

Hmm, today got expensive ;) 'Twas a good afternoon though :)

Oh! Also... Bombing around the li'l quiet roads with beautiful blue skies, and sunlight filtering through the green trees... Radio up loud... Yup, I had a great afternoon :D

Star

This li'l guy fascinates me every time I see him.



He's so much brighter than the rest.

Whilst I love the stars and the sky, I know very little about them in general.

At first I wondered whether he wasn't actually a star, and was perhaps a planet. I pondered that because of how bright he was and how far across the sky he moves each night. But I dunno, I think he is a star. Obviously the camera struggles a bit ;) I included the li'l boxouts in the pic above to show my best efforts though :)

I remember that the North Star / Pole Star is the brightest (obviously I mean other than the sun ;) ), which I think was also the closest. What is that, Tau Ceti? But I wouldn't have thought it would "move around" so much ;) Well... I guess it makes sense... Look how much the sun and the moon "move around" so much :) (Obviously, perspective is everything :) )

Speaking of poles... M'learned colleages laughed at me today after I referred to a "polling station" as a "polling station" (to rhyme with "Poly") rather than a "polling station" (to rhyme with "Pole").

Humph. Oh well, live and learn :)

PS. As it just started playing... Nelly Furtado, All Good Things - I love this song at the moment :) The lyrics suck ;) But I love the song :) Can't help but sing along at the moment when I hear it :)

One thing I've noticed

My eyes feel like they shine a lot more than they used to :)

I don't really recall having felt specifically like they shone enough before to have noticed :)

I have to admit...

It does seem... Seem what?

Strange? Fast? Funny how things change? Odd? Weird? Sad? Good? Bad?

Well, I'm not sure, but it's certainly something ;)

I took this picture back in December. Actually, from the date, Christmas Eve. I must have got bored with my last minute Christmas preparations at some point, I guess :)



I supposed I'd been thinking about taking the picture for a while, and I felt the tinsel made a nice backdrop :)
I never bothered to use the pic as they all came out a little blurry using simply my cameraphone. That's why I've carefully applied a series of filters to the image to bring a new feel to it here, rather than leave it in its original form. (I.e. "I buggered about with it in Photoshop")

It was something I'd been intending to do since I started thinking about moving out. I just wanted to say, "Ok, I might be doing this, but the ring's still on my finger and it's not over."


I did feel quite naked for a while.



Even although I never felt like I really got used to wearing it, it felt odd for it not to be there. It must be, hmm, about a month since I took it off now. It was when I went back in to work that night to work late. Actually, I didn't take it off, so much as looked at it and didn't put it back in.
It had been feeling tight and bothering me. That in itself wasn't significant, as I often "played" with it and wasn't too fussed about taking it off - particularly when I knew my hands were going to get wet or I was carrying something heavy. Erm, or I was sitting at my desk and it felt tight.
So, anyway, it just didn't seem... I just didn't put it back on. And there it's sat since.

Well, not quite "there it's sat since", as first of all I didn't have the box, and it was a little while before I picked it back up off of my wife. Most of the time since then, it's sat on my desk (box open), but I moved it over to a shelf to take the picture :)
Oh, and I thought that the photo I took & printed out yesterday made a nice backdrop, too :) (Incidentally, I also took the swan photo from yesterday's post at around the same time)

Still Swanning About

I was going to try to write a serious update today... Buuuut, ermmmmmm :)

I hopped into town, got me hair cut, picked up some new cleaning cartridges for me shaver (and a new foil & cutter - whoohoo! Shaver gets an upgrade, as they are from the more recent model but work with the older range too :) )
Was going to hop out to a furniture place some 15mins away after that... But they were closed by the time I got there. Went on a lovely random li'l drive instead for most of the next hour :)

Got home and decided to walk over the parky bit for my own mini li'l picnic. How sad is that? ;) Still, I had my sandwiches and crisps, a plougman's roll and a can of Coke, and music playing, so I was happy :)

After I got home I decided to set up my new printer/scanner (Epson Stylus Photo RX560) and try printing a picture I just took. Seems to have come out fairly well :)
Ended up on the phone (and webcam) after that for about two hours to my parents & sister, which pretty much brings me to now :)

And, if it's alright with you, I'm off to bed now :)

Downward Spiral

Oh dear :)

lol :) Well, we have the potential of a "hovis wheatfield advert"-beating Google now :)

I just spotted one for "skimpy pants"

Oh yes, there's my blog. Third on the list.

Just after The Sun.

Ohhhhh dear oh dear ;)

This isn't WHY...

This isn't WHY I bought a Wii. But it does make a very convincing argument ;)

Now, I also feel I should explain that I bumped into this after looking on YouTube for Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, making an arse of himself after something on Ing's blog reminded me of it.

From there, I saw something about using the Wii remote with Windows (should have been obvious, I suppose; it's just a bluetooth device) which caught my eye. Now, after that, this caught my eye.

Now, it didn't catch my eye because of the woman wearing skimpy pants. No, it caught my eye because... err... because of the... urmmm... The message implied by the content of the video. Which I was able to discern simply from seeing its title.

(Also... Skimpy pants)

Anyway, it made me laugh :)



Also... I need more blokes to read my blog ;)

My, That's a BIIIIG One

Russia is planning the world's longest tunnel... From Siberia to Alaska.

Project costs are estimated at around $65 billion USD, with a time scale of some 15 years.

(Here's a picture I prepared earlier - red splodge indicates rough location, as if you didn't know or guess :) )

So we're likely to be talking about, what, $350 billion USD and 40 years realistically?

It's probably just a pipe dream, but still, it's one whole heck of a dream to even be considering.

Read more here

Where Exactly Does The Time Go, Anyway?

I was going to get you all caught up sometime over the weekend...

Let's see... Friday night I began putting my TV stand together, but reached a point I couldn't continue as I needed a hammer.

Saturday I bought a hammer, put TV stand together, lifted TV onto it. (Recommended: Two-three people)

Sunday I took TV off of stand, returned to basic one. Returned to stand. Returned to basic one. Returned to stand. Returned to basic one, and, finally, with the height correctly adjusted, returned to stand and left it there. Pheeeeew ;) And then I went out for a barbecue :)

Today... Well, frankly, I just couldn't be bothered ;) I was washing and cooking up and feeling relatively energised... and then my mind just kept wandering and I 'misplaced' all that energy. So I just played Super Monkey Ball on the Wii instead, which was the first time I've made it onto playing that :)

Weight Loss

Here's a pic of me! :)

On some scales. They are also new :)

Actually, I think this may be the first time I've ever taken a picture of my feet. Ermm... And I think that's interesting... why!? :)


Whilst I've never QUITE hit nine stone (that's 126pounds for any Americans), I do seem to have suffered some bizarre weight loss recently.

In fact, I seem to have lost some weight from one of the fingers on my left hand, and, more bizarrely still, my right-hand coat pocket in which I keep my house keys.

Weird huh?

It's STILL Not What You Want...

Ok, so, I really don't know where the time goes. Really, I don't.

I guess it's going to take me an hour or two to really write something at some point (yes yes, I think too much :) ), so I just don't quite get around to it :)
Well, ok, I say "It's not what you want", but it's also not what I want to write either, I just... I dunno :) Don't seem to get around to it ;)

So, until I DO give myself a slap for 'losing' time elsewhere (I blame the Internet ;) ), I shall write about at least SOMETHING each day. So, in two years from now, I can imagine a whole lot of blog without a whole lot of content ;)

Meanwhile, here are some new shelves, a new cabinet, a new plant, and a new lamp that I bought recently :)



The clock's not new. It's a li'l gimicky, but it was actually one of the things on our wedding list. Yes, it does sound a bit daft to say that ;)

I like it though. Kind of makes me think. It's simple, but clever. It's just a stick with like four lights on. And that's it, that's how it tells you the time, the date, "Good morning", etc. :) Four lights. Four small round lights.

But like it waves the stick backwards-and-forwards, like, a fast metronome or something (I think that's what they're called? Those things a musician might use to keep in time). And it's waving back and forward so quickly, and the four lights are turning on/off so quickly, that, to the human eye, it looks like a virtually solid display (ok, it flickers, but still). But that from four lights on a stick! I think it's fascinating :)

You Silly Arse

So, it was a late night - around 3am by the time I was in bed, and I'd estimate it took me at least 30mins after that to get to sleep - and I'd set my alarm back as late as I reasonably thought, just to get that extra bit of sleep time in :)

Well, the usual mad dash to get ready on time followed.

I glanced at my phone to get an idea of the time as I left the house - 8:59. Yet again I'd be leaving at the point I was supposed to arrive.

And yet something clicked that it was wrong as I was already returning the phone to my pocket, half-way down the stairs to the exit.

Moments later, I had arrived at the car, and sure enough, the clock on the dashboard said the same thing.

7:59.

D'OH!

How the bloody heck did I manage that!? :) lol :)

So now I'm sitting here having a spot of breakfast for a change. Breakfast today consists of a Pop Tart and a cup of tea. Well. A cup of something. At about the point I went to get the milk out of the fridge, I remembered my milk had likely past the drinkable stage.

Quick thinking prevailed. I now have tea with one sugar and fruit juice ;)

Well people have tea with lemon!! :)

It's an interesting flavour, although it does actually appear to be drinkable, which, frankly, comes as a surprise ;)

Ummmm

Ok ok, I'm sorry, I'll try tomorrow instead ;)

I got distracted reading digital camera reviews :)

...

Ok, just decided to stop faffing around and buy one ;)

Panasonic DMC-TZ3 in black. My sister has the TZ1 (her "tizzy", apparently :) ) and is pretty happy with it (uh, well, she was last time I checked, anyway ;) ), and this appears to be a decently upgraded model.

Expensive month... Car service, TV stand, TV, Some plants & furniture, Wii, and now a camera :)
Oh, and car tax... And I need to renew the car insurance too... Hmm :) VERY expensive month ;)

Anyone fancy a holiday to Tahiti while I'm at it? ;)

The Excitement Just Keeps Building!

I just bought...

Two door stops!

I can do away with using a waste paper bin with the electric air pump in it from the bedroom door now.

And from the kitchen door, I can remove... Actually, I'm not sure what it is. I took it out the box once, but I couldn't figure out what it was for. Some heavyish metal thing. Had a power cord. Got hot when I plugged it in. Made of some sort of metal, I think it advised on the front of the box.

It's been a while since I've posted some pictures, so I'll try to do that at some point soon (I may, possibly, perhaps, maybe, find something just slightly more exciting to take a picture of than the doorstops though ;) )

I also really do want to get all you guys updated at some point as to what's been happening. I keep meaning to... but... it sort of... the time... erm... :)

Thanks for sticking with me anyway :) Feel free to prod me for updates if you want one ;)

Oh. Yes. Baby.

I am buzzing.

I just bought a Sony Bravia KDL40W2000 40" LCD 1080p television


Sony sell it for £1790.

If you click the link, you'll see that John Lewis sell it online for £1800 with a five year warranty (there's a lorra lorra value in that - can pay about £350 elsewhere for that, from the places willing to even sell an extended warranty) and 'free' DVD recorder worth £299.

Well I'm not really fussed about that DVD recorder it comes with.

John Lewis in-store do the same bundle in-store for £1700.

I just ordered it from John Lewis...

Got them to price match to somewhere else, which means I lose the DVD player, but keep the 5 year warranty (which hardly anyone else does)...

£1249. Ohhhhh yeah :D

Ok, I admit, that's still a whole heck of a lot of money for a TV... But £450 off the list price is a VAST amount to "haggle" off!

Woooooowh :)

I Have Realised

I spent a while thinking about my recent unnatural habits.

First the futon and the eight cushions, then the curtains in the bedroom, the amount of cookery I have been doing, my growing fondness for the colour pink, my giddy excitement as I hear details of other peoples' relationships, everything really...

And then I look back over all those years...

All those years where it just felt "wrong", in a way I could not understand.

I have been speaking about all of this recently with my friends Paulo and Juan, and, today, I have realised the truth. The truth that explains it all, that finally makes sense of everything.

I am gay.

Truely, on this sunny April morning, it has all started making sense.

Have a Break

5th and 10th booked as holiday :D

I spent two days holiday... I get two three day weeks, and six days off in a row. It'll be nice to have a break :)

What's Up With... Part 1

Well, someone asked me last night why I appeared to have been avoiding writing about some stuff on my blog. I think that'll do as a sign that I need to get some stuff updated ;)

See, I haven't specifically been avoiding writing... It's just that when I started this, I had a *need* to write here, I think. Now, most of the time, I don't have that need, so I'm not so desperate to get here and write about everything :)

But, as I had been recently meaning to get some updates 'out here', I shall put reading reviews of big TVs on hold to get some writing done instead ;)

So, let's get back to those other two Ws. I'll start with work, as that's far easier for me to summarise ;)

So, the work stuff then... I became aware of my work all going a bit shitty a long time ago. So much lost focus. Particularly when I started another big job in around November, I was asking for trouble. I just couldn't focus on it, couldn't sit down and do it. I'd stare out the window, get distracted online, find a different job to do... Anything.

Originally, I think this was a symptom of everything else going on. I think it was around last June/July that I really started to feel seriously emotional about everything else going on. I could barely eat anything on most days, and it was all just so... there.
I wasn't like crying all the time or something, but I could just feel a serious wodge of all sorts of emotions just "there" all of the time.

A symptom of the problem was that I began to feel distracted at work.

That symptom grew and grew until it became a problem in its own right, even after the original problem had faded away some more.

There were days, I don't know how many, where I must only have spent an hour really working. There were ups and downs... But it seemed to be getting worse, rather than better.

All the recent stuff... I agreed that everything I'd working on was finally finished (including all the extra bits that always come along - one reason it had been able to drag on a bit) and able to be delivered on the Monday. It was not.

I felt that I couldn't admit it (it was already over-budget and I'd already told my boss I'd had a problem with it once and it wasn't where it should be), and I just couldn't say AGAIN that it STILL wasn't finished. I just had to sit down and do it. Get the damn thing out of the way. But I couldn't.

I was feeling very stressed that Monday, but able to make an excuse that it hadn't been delivered. I think I was up until around 5am that day.

I didn't go in on Tuesday. I felt genuinely ill, and seriously stressed out. I knew I had to do something, but simply thinking about it... My chest would feel tight and I could feel my heart beating. (No shooting pains or anything though ;) )

I slept a little in the morning on that Tuesday. Every time I woke back up, I'd immediately, without even having thought about it, just feel so stressed I couldn't do anything. I knew that the only answer was to get it finished. I didn't know exactly how much work was left, but I knew it was the only answer. But I couldn't manage to do any work on it!

Eventually, simply knowing that a fantastically wonderful mega-friend was there on the phone for me for moral support whenever I needed it, I made it in to work Tuesday evening, after everyone else had left. I had the best many hours work I've had in ages.

I was eventually able to deliver the project Wednesday evening. I was actually pretty pleased and confident about it by then.

And since then, I'm finally, finally back on track at work. Or at least, I seem to be ;)

I'm working for at least 7 out of 7.5 hours, at any rate ;)

Bye for now... Gotta get back to work ;)

Byaaa-hooohawhahahwbrrrr

Ok, now that reminded me of the swimming pool at primary school.

I've been thinking for a week or two "I might go for a nice warm bath when I've got the time..."

Half-way filled, I check the water.

"Wow! Cold. Hmm, best turn the cold tap off."

I left it filling the rest of the way from only the hot tap.

I check it once it was about ready. It's warmer... But it's coming out cold from the hot tap. Total water temperature... "Not cold" is about the best description I can give.

BRRRRRR!

Couldn't let all that water go to waste though. Think I'll get a hot drink now...

Intermission

We interrupt this blog for a brief intermission. Usual service (i.e. news on the two sets of things I brought up and then left hanging - my wife and my work) will resume shortly.

Meanwhile, speaking of things that start with the letter "W"...



...I went to the first match at the new Wembley stadium on Saturday :) Tickets had only been a tenner each! Now, I've never been to a football match before, but for the sake of a tenner... I mean... Can't really say no, can you ;)



The famous arch :)

Certainly, one thing you just can't get from the photos... The size of the whole thing. It's BIG. Attendance on Saturday was 55,700, of 60,000 tickets sold. Total capacity is 90,000. :-O



Again, it doesn't really look it from the photos, but you really felt pretty close to the action; almost on top of it.

Oh, and by the way... I'm doing pretty decently at the moment in general, thank you :) If I wasn't, I'd probably be blogging a whole lot more ;)

Now, I'm feeling pretty tired today, and I think I may actually head off to bed already. Gosh, and it's only just gone 11! (Or is that 12?) Anyway... night night :)

I am...

A complete and total fucking moron.

I am STILL not doing the things I should be doing, and on top of that, I keep doing things I shouldn't be doing!

I have dug myself a hole so deep that I can barely see the sky.

I need to get this damn project finished.

This may have started as a symptom of other problems, but I allowed it to grow stagnant and fester. It is now a serious problem in itself.

I have barely talked to anyone about it. When I talk about it, I rarely talk to the people I should talk to about it. When I talked to them, I could not admit the scope of the problem. The amount of work still to be done.

*shakes head*

I have to finish this. Tonight. I just had a cup of coffee. I hate coffee.

Tried and Tested

Mrs M and I had a bit of a conversation about a week and a half ago after I had hopped over there one evening to pick something up.

I ended up asking the question, "How are you trying to get me back?" (seeings how she wanted me back more than anything, I thought it seemed reasonable)

"Well," she said, "I'm working on food and I'm feeling happier in general."

As I said to her, "working on food" doesn't really count, in my opinion. She's been working on food for the last eight years, and she's currently at her heaviest weight she's ever been. A little over a year ago, she was at her lightest ever, of almost 12 stone.
This time a year ago, towards the end of our honeymoon, I'd guess she was around 13 stone.

The last time I asked her recently, she's now 17 stone. Previous maximum was 16. Every time I see her, she's "making progress on food... except for this last week..."
Ok, maybe she is and I'm being unfair, but obviously I am sceptical after so many years.

As for happier in general, well, of course I'm pleased, and maybe that would have helped, but at the same time, I'm slightly disappointed that she dropped some of the activities she had started. She had started archaeology evening courses (just as "something to do"), which she missed a couple of weeks of for some reason, then didn't bother going back to. She was also going to start learning Italian, but then dropped that before she started it.
I would like to see her making friends with more people, or something.

But I said, "But both those things are to do with you, and ok, they'll help, what are you *trying* to do to get *me* back?"

"I'm... just... waiting, really. Hoping you'll want to come back."

"So why aren't you trying to do anything in particular?"

"I'm afraid of scaring you off."

"Well, that's not something you should be afraid of, and if you can scare me off that easily anyway, then there's a fair chance it's not going to work, regardless."

"I guess. What should I try?"

"I can't tell you that. I don't know. If I did know, I'd tell you."

"I don't really know what to do..."

"Because basically, at the moment, it seems kind of like you're not really trying anything, because you don't really know what to try. Which is pretty much the same as all the last years. You just need to try anything you can think of. Like on our anniversary, you could have got me a present, or something."

"I spent several hours looking around town for something to get you, but I couldn't really think of anything. About the best thing I thought of was cufflinks, and I thought, you don't really wear cufflinks."

"But... I didn't know that, did I!"

"And... I bought some pretty underwear that I was going to wear for our anniversary... but... It didn't fit."

This one was not far off a "throwing my arms up in the air in confusion and frustration" moment. She had said on that day at some point, that "she didn't really want to do anything as it didn't really seem appropriate under the circumstances." - What-everrrr! ;)
Nah, we had had a hug and quick kiss, but to be honest, I had partly just fancied a 'serious' kiss then. Just as all that sort of thing had been an issue for so long, wondered if it might have felt like it was the only problem...
Daft of me though, as of course that was really more of a symptom than the cause.

I pointed out that, as I've said before, at the moment, I don't really miss her when she's not around. When she is, it's kind of nice in some ways, but... I said she might as well just try anything she could think of, and if she thought she wanted to give me a ring or talk to me on Messenger (she said she had been avoiding things like this for fear of bugging me), then just try it.

That's probably why she rang on the following Sunday to ask if I wanted to go to the cinema to see Hot Fuzz last Tuesday. But I started writing this post yesterday, and I thought I'd finish it today, so you'll have to wait for that ;)

Context

...Shall follow. At some point ;)

In the meantime, I think you'll have to make do with simply acknowledging that it's been a funny old evening ;)

Do you ever...

At some point late in the evening, I had noticed the stars as I gazed out of the window.

They were ever so bright, and there were ever so many.

I wondered about going for a walk, but was not quite in the mood.

By the time I contemplated going for a walk, it was gone 12. After mentally yo-yoing back-and-forth for a bit, I eventually decided that I wasn't ready for bed yet, and that yes, I would go for a walk.

The stars really were out in force! Dim ones, bright ones, twinkly ones. They were all there. I didn't notice any recognisable constellations though - I think someone had randomly rearranged them :)

I wasn't sure where I'd go... didn't fancy a long walk at this time... So set out the back way from my house, probably just to go around the block and back. That way, I could start by walking down the unlit footpath too, and really be able to see them :)
As I walked along the main road (which, not too strangely, wasn't all that busy at gone 12am of a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning), I decided I'd try to remember where the back entrance to the park was. Somewhere through the cricket ground. It was too dark to really see where I was walking, but I made it to where I wanted - the pond-that-looks-like-a-river that runs along the back of the cricket ground and park.

I knew it would be pretty there - the trees lining both side of the pond-with-the-identity-crisis strip out what little man-made light was reaching the back of the park/cricket ground.

lol, it is probably a wonder I did not fall into the pond-that-thinks-it's-a-river, as most of the time I was walking around with my head tipped back looking up at the sky.

It was nice there, ambling along side the river (well, it looks like one, and I got tired of specifying).

A few swans were floating on it - white headless lumps in the murky blackness. The treeline was reflected in the river. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of a star or two being reflected back too, but for the most part they weren't quite bright enough. (Or I might have tried to grab a piccy on my phone :) )

A swan that was still awake made a funny noise (I thought it sounded slightly like a horse impression :-P). An owl begain terwit-terwoo'ing. A duck quacked.

I turned away from the riverpond and walked across the middle of the park. Four or five ducks flew straight over me, a couple sounded to be twittering, one quacked once or twice.

I probably looked like I was drunk as I walked across the park staring up at the sky - no sense of direction what-so-ever without looking where I was going ;) (On the plus side, there was nobody to see me - that's the advantage of going for a walk at such a silly time ;) )

The stars were so beautiful.

Do you ever find yourself just thinking about how amazing everything is? I love computers and technology... But when I am outside sometimes looking at it all, it can just take my breath away.

As I was stopping and staring and thinking, I remembered something I had been thinking about recently.

Someone once told me that everyone has a relationship with God. It's just about whether people choose to acknowledge that relationship.

I wonder, however, if it is possible to actively have a relationship with God without realising what it is. I wonder if that is why I struggle to see/want/acquire a Christian one; if on some level I already had one, so I was not "missing" it.

I Want

I want to drive back over.

I want to hug her.

I want to tell the only woman that I've ever really loved that everything's going to be ok.

But I can't.

And it's not.

Help! I think I've lost my penis!

Something terrible happened today.

I'm not sure I can admit it...

I spent £110...

This is so embarassing...

You don't really want to know, do you?

On...

Cushions and things.

What's wrong with me!? Am I turning into a woman?

Fortunately, fortunately, one important part is that "and things" includes 36 items of crockery... It's "just" (See! SEE WHAT I MEAN!? "JUST" I am saying...)... just the seven cushions.

Seven. "Just" seven.

I think I need professional help. That, or beer and porn ;)

PS. I forgot to add, just to confirm how mind-numbingly terribly horrific this is... I also looked at some curtains.

Help me! Help me please! I think it must be hanging on by a thread!

One

One year ago as I write this (well, not yet, but probably by the time I push the "Publish" button), I was taking these pictures:



It's strange when I think about it like that... When I think about the "at this exact moment last year..." style things.
Oh, incidentally, we weren't actually heading for SF. Just a plane-swap there :)

Mrs M was over yesterday for some (..counts..) nine hours in total. That time passed mostly without any thoughts of "Just think, at this time last year..."
In fact, it passed with virtually no reference to the events of a year ago. I'm not sure why that was exactly, just the way it went, I think.

I had been intending to burn a DVD with our honeymoon pictures and videos all nicely sorted and organised and watchable. But I didn't.

My excuse for that is that first of all last week I lost one whole night being up until 3:30am - I was up until about 2am changing a wheel on the car - not starting until 9:30pm, being a complete twit over how to use a jack, then struggling to get the wheel off after I had removed the nuts, followed by popping out to a garage to get the pressure on the spare checked - didn't help with that. Oh, little tip... I spent like an hour trying to get the damn wheel off; pushing, pulling, kicking, swearing, praying, WD40, all to no avail ;) In the end, I decided I needed a new approach... I let the car back down on the jack until the pressure was back on the wheel, and the jack was only just hovering under the car... Gave the wheel a tug... And felt it move, just like that! So, if you have trouble getting it off, try getting down first ;) Anyway, I'm rambling - by the time I'd got in, then chilled from the long evening, it was very late.
By the next day I was developing a cold, as well as being "a bit" knackered from the day before.

Cold continued such that I hardly did anything Friday night and spend the majority (but not all) of Saturday in bed.
So, I didn't manage to make a DVD, but I did get something :)



Look nice? Not bad for plastic! :)

What? No, I wasn't deliberately being cheap and tacky! :-P

To quote Mrs M after she walked in the room, "I thought oh God those are going to STINK!"

See, she suffers migraines and one of the things that can bring them on is strong smelly flowers. Hence you see the advantage of plastic ones! She was quite happy with them :)

It was interesting spending a day together. It felt kind of nice and kind of close at times... But... There is still a but.

I was interested to learn that she has dropped the Italian class she was going to do. She had said she was going to do that as it would be good to get her out of the house more, and something like Italian was actually forcing her to talk to people too.
But she said she's not so desperately lonely at home anymore that she feels a need to get out so much, so didn't bother going. Hmm. I can see where she is coming from, but I am not too sure of her logic there.

---

Meanwhile, I am thinking I might set up a second blog, just for my "special" readers ;) lol :) By whom I mean the regular ones foolish/stubborn/nosey enough to keep coming back :)
I had assumed however that you'd be able to add people to read it based on their Blogger profiles, but it seems that it requires the Google account e-mail address, so that may make it a little more awkward than I had anticipated.

What sort of thing am I talking about? Probably just some slightly more 'personally identifiable' stuff really that I'd worry about posting here. (E.g. pics of me/us, other random dumb things like that :) )

Oh my, look at the time! Time for bed, and I've got to put some sheets back on it yet!

For No Obvious Reason

I have an urge to post another picture.



Actually, I'm only sticking it 'ere as I don't have a proper photo-hosting thingmy, and I wanted to link it from elsewhere ;)

I'm not COMPLETELY random. Erm. All of the time. ;)